toilet paper shortage in 2004

[robbidobbs]

GUFFAW!!!
Thanks for the giggle, Sue.
This is going into the Pottie Archives, to be sure.

[theCryptofishist]

Indeed Sue, definite keeper.

*fishy starts on "oh sh*t, all ye burners"*

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Oh come, to the porta
pottys with your paper
oh come, ye, oh citizens of B.R.C.
Come and enjoy it
soft and clean and just one ply
So you can wipe your tushie
So you can wipe your tushie
So you can wipe your tushie
'till you go again...

I think yours may be better, tho... mine kinda, uh, "stinks"...

>>giggles<<

(Sung to Adeste Fidelis, AKA O come all ye faithful)

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Bernie, the burner,
he went in without a roll,
when he looked around
no paper could be found,
he's a very worried soul...

Bernie, the burner,
as concerned as he could be.
'Cuz he truly knew
all would say "PEE-YOU"
as he wandered B.R.C...

There must've been some magic
near the JOTS cluster he found,
for when he opened up the door
a roll was on the ground!

Now Bernie, the burner,
was as happy as could be
but he learned a lesson
to leave out the guessin'
and to bring his own T.P.

(Sung to the tune of Bernie the Burner, er, Frostie the Snowman...)

[theCryptofishist]

Ah, I think I'm hopelessly outclassed here. . .

[robbidobbs]

Thanks Sue, for the lyrics.
If you would like to start a little Pottie Choir, I'd recommend printing about 20 copies of each song and put them in plastic sleeves. This would be great to hand to participants who have little to do but wait for the Bleu Gates to open (to their cries of relief). Everyone knows the tunes, and you'll probably get quite a few folks to join in.

Or if you're not interested in doing this, I'd like to have your permission to do it myself. Or if there is anyone in the viewing audience who'd like to do this, pls let me know. I'm definitely interested in musical accompaniment, as I can't hold a tune in a bucket.

Gracias

[Nightterror]

I can't hold a tune in a bucket.

A Honeybucket?

[Bay Bridge Sue]

I'm not sure I have time to do it this year, but of course you have my permission, even if I *was* doing it. After all, there are enough clusters around so *everyone* can join in the yuletide fun... (Just watch out for those floating yule-logs...) >>sorry!<<

In fact, you don't need it. A pre-playa gift to the community! ;~) More coming if I can think them up...

[Mr. Mellow]

If you work in a building with a maintainance crew who discards the almost empty TP rolls, ask them to save them for you (if they don't already take them home). A one-use TP roll out of a trashbag full of partial rolls can make somebody's day, and its good primary source recycling.

Your janitor, a.k.a. Mr. Mellow.

[unjonharley]

Mr Mellow,

I do hope your speaking of "one ply"

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Oh...
The porta potty lines are frightful
And the smells are not delightful
But the beer is taking it's toll
you gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.

The back teeth, they're a floatin'
Any longer, and we'll be boatin'
but the faster this line does flow
you can go, you can go, you can go

When you finally get to the front
you're the next one to go through that door
you can breathe a sigh of relief
'cuz you ain't got to hold it no more!

You're drinkin' water so you piss clearly
tho you know, it costs you dearly
you get back in that line just so
you can go, you can go, you can go

(Sung to the toon of "Let it Snow")
(This one dedicated to Jeannie - Miss you, mom!)

[Bay Bridge Sue]

I'm dreaming of some soft
paper
Just like the kind we have at home.
Where it's nice, and cushy
On our sore tushie
and that doesn't cause our hemmorhoids to grow...

Some people get to use
soft paper
but all we have is one ply stuff
So we'll grit and bare it
pass it around, and share it
until we find a roll that's not so rough.

(Sung to the tune of "White Christmas")

(Edited twice to fix syntax and bad rhymes)

[Bay Bridge Sue]

I just want to find a line
that's not so long
that's not so long'
no that's not so long
I just want to find a line that's not so long
that's leading to a porta potty

And when I get inside
I hope I find a roll
I find a roll
Yes, I find a roll
When I get inside I hope I find a roll
hanging inside the porta potty

And if the roll is missing
will you loan me yours
loan me yours
yes, please loan me yours
If not I might just hafta stay inside the door
that goes into the porta potty

So let me help you find a line
that's not so long
that's not so long'
no that's not so long
make sure a roll of paper's what you bring along
when you go to the porta potty.

(Sung to the tune of "All I want for Christmas")

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Last one for tonite... if I can pull it off...


The JOTS Song (Courtesy of the chipmunks...)

Dave:all right you Chipmunks! Ready to go?
-I'll say we are!
-Yeah!
-Let's get in line!
Dave: Okay, Simon?
-Okay!
Dave: Okay, Theodore?
-Okay!
Dave: Okay, Alvin? Alvin? ALVIN!
-OKAY!!!)

Burning, Burning Man is here
Time for lots and lots of beer
We've been good, but we can't last
Got to get to the JOTS fast
Line's so long it makes a loop
Dave, I think, I got to poop
We can hardly stand the time
it takes to stand in line

Dave: Okay fellas get ready.
You're next, Simon.
-Naturally.
Dave: then you, Theodore.
-Ahhh.
Dave: Ah, Alvin, you're last...
Dave: Alvin. Alvin. ALVIN!
-OKAY.)

Wile we wait, we'll pick up MOOP
Now I got to go and poop
We can hardly stand in line
That guy sure takes his time.
We can hardly stand the wait
I hope, I'm not, too late.

Dave: Very good, boys
-Lets go again! Yeah, lets get back in line!
Dave: No, That's enough, lets not overdo it
-What do you mean overdo it?
-We want to go again!
Dave: Now wait a minute, boys
-Why can't we go again?
-[chipmunk chatter]
Dave: Alvin, put that paper down..Theodore, just a minute.
Simon will you get out of there? Boys...

(I don't know how "carol-ey" that one is, but it sure was fun writing it!)

[robbidobbs]

Gawd damn, that's hilarious, Sue.

I hope you wrote these on company time. (It's a Pottie People tradition)

[theCryptofishist]

Sue
That's a genius you have. Treat it well.

[theCryptofishist]

Here's one for you, Robbidobbs.

It's one-ply on the playa
It's one-ply to "go"
It's one-ply on the playa
Those vacuums have to flow (o-o-o)
Farewell to the softness
I'll have less comfort "there"
For it's one, one ply for the playa
Those JotS trucks need care!

Tune is "Long way to Tipparary" if you haven't guessed.

[robbidobbs]

Oh that's CUTE, Fishy.
Thank you.

[theCryptofishist]

Thanks robbidobbs.

[AntiM]

I do believe I must make signs for the hoverers and germophobes:

Your cellphone carries 300 times more bacteria than a Potta Potty seat so just sit yer ass down!

Must be true, I read it in a magazine, heh.

[robbidobbs]

If it's alright with you, AntiM, I'd like to join this with the other pottie signs I have for this year.
If you come up with any more doozies, feel free to post 'em, and I'll print 'em into signs. I'm specifically looking for succinct, to the POINT signs. Many of last year's were too verbose, so I'm weeding out, and looking for more to fill the gaps.

Hovering is a tough sell due to the misinformation put out by Self magazine a few years ago. I could really use the help on getting the correct word out. So if you'd like to join in the fun and educate folks about excremental correct behavior, feel freeeeee!

[Mr. Mellow]

Mr Mellow,

I do hope your speaking of "one ply"

Hell Man, I'm a professional, I know my TP. Most of what building maintainance companies use are one-ply. If it aint, don't bring it. But here's a hint, you can recycle the two-ply stuff from office buildings and take it home and save resources too.

[robotland]

"ONE PLY- ONE PLAYA"

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Here I "go" again... >>giggles<<

**** **** **** ****

See us standing here in line
our one ply close at hand
And once we've had our turn in there
we'll feel oh so grand

To the JOTS, we must go
and we'll bring our one ply roll
and no trash, kitty litter or plastic goes in the hole
Please don't throw, your old trash, into the hole

Good master, and good mistress
be sure you plant your rump
so it's not so disgusting
for the next to take their dump

To the Jots we must go
and we'll bring our one ply roll
and no trash, kitty litter or plastic goes in the hole
Please don't throw, your old trash, into the hole

God bless the pumper of the JOTS
likewise the cleaner, too
and all the little singers
that to the potty go

To the Jots we must go
and we'll bring our one ply roll
and no trash, kitty litter or plastic goes in the hole
Please don't throw, your old trash, into the hole

(Sung to the tune of "the Wassail Song")

[Bay Bridge Sue]

One more for today...

**** **** ****

Ohhhhh…

When you go inside
you better not throw
garbage or plastic
down into the hole
so porta potties stay in our town

Help keeping it clean
by sitting on down
so others don’t wear
what you’ve sprayed around
and porta potties stay in our town

And don’t bring 2 ply paper
because it clogs their pumps
and only if it’s from your bod
should it go into the dumps

No napkins or sand
or used tampons, too
just one ply and your poop
in the water that's blue
so porta potties stay in our town

(Sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is coming to town")

[robbidobbs]

You just sleigh me, Sue.
I've made one red robe, and will start my second. This is going to be a hoot!

[Detox the Clown]

I am getting scary mental images of the toilet paper fairy, and she strongly resembles the ghost of Christmas present from Scrooged.[/quote]

You got off lucky. My mental image was Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo. I hate that.

[robbidobbs]

You're welcome to join me in some potty-carols! I'll be the one in a red robe and x-massy skirt.

[Detox the Clown]

Hmm, I don't think I can keep up with the other songwriters around here. But I do have a little experience--many years ago some friends and I were goofing around with guitars and tubas and came up with a bluesy kind of riff. I don't recall any of the lyrics but the following:

"Tim is on the toilet, pumpin' out a Gran Mal
Crackin' the porcelin
and peelin' the paint from the wall."

Pretty gruesome--but so was Tim. I miss that guy.

[Stilesfamily]

It’s so sad when it all boils down to the lowest common denominator like this. I’m all for a BYOTP policy, if those ignorant rubes want to vandalize the johns let them use up valuable packing space and bring there own paper. Of course this leads to the secondary problem of people bringing the wrong kind of tp. What’s next? I’m surprised these ignorant pathetic excuses for human beings don’t just defecate where they sleep. And is there nothing better to do at burning man then to spend extra time in the Porto’s vandalizing them? There people have issues.

John Ways TP, Its ruff and tough and don’t take crap from nobody.