Top Asshats of 2011 Burning Man

[theCryptofishist]

Oh the irony! Someone spammed this thread!

[SprinkmanPat]

I for one had no issues with staff or law enforcement...the "asshats" I would like to take issue with are the ones on bicycles going balls out fast at night with no fucking lights at all..had countless close calls almost everynight on the playa with these idiots...camon people safety first...get lit-up(not fucked up) at night so all can see yer ass...please.

[Herring]

There was a girl working the perimeter of the Trojan Horse the night it burned who was holding a cat (or maybe a small dog?) in her arms, hidden in her cape. Thousands of people, flaming arrows, fireworks, loud music....could you imagine if that cat ran out of her arms?

It was a desert fox, native to South America. She was out at the horesy build site and at Troy Camp It bothered me to see the animal out there. It wouldn't drink water, since it doesn't encounter standing water much in its life. It would eat veggies, however. Juicy veggies. There is a picture of her with the fox on a large media site. She was very nice.

I think that's actually a fennec fox, native to north Africa.

[poplopo]

I think that's actually a fennec fox, native to north Africa.

I thought so too, but the tail doesn't look quite right for a fennec..

[Machina]

I don't know if someone already posted this, BUT...

The assholes who took the Yellow Bikes (the green-painted community ones), and covered them in electrical tape (especially the painting that said "Yellow Bike") so that no one would recognize them as being community bikes. I saw this done to at least three bikes, last year. WTF. Huge, huge assholes.

[theCryptofishist]

I don't know if it was mentioned in this thread, but I've seen it mentioned before, possibly in 10.

[Machina]

Ah, sorry... I only visit the boards sporadically so I'm not up-to-speed. I wonder if that makes ME an asshat. Uh oh.

[tamarakay]

Ah, sorry... I only visit the boards sporadically so I'm not up-to-speed. I wonder if that makes ME an asshat. Uh oh.

Nope it doesn't. I think they belong here.

[Herring]

I just wish we could keep the asshats from winning tickets in the lottery. Steal a bike, banned for life, I say.

I think that's actually a fennec fox, native to north Africa.

I thought so too, but the tail doesn't look quite right for a fennec..

Lot of mammals lose hair due to stress. A giant week-long loud-ass party in an inhospitable desert would make any wee fox's tail thin.

[Super Evil Brian]

The people climbing on the tree -- I'm not sure what it was called. It was on the playa and had metallic things hanging from it.

They had to climb over a fence and walk past the "do not climb" signs.

Another, I was in the temple and the guy next to me struck up a quiet conversation that revovled around sharing his mango with me (it was still cold!) and the beautiful girl with him. Some drama queen near me lost his shit that I would desicrate HIS private space and ruin his burn, or something like that.

I brushed it off. Besides, moments before I had come to terms with 37 years of everything in about five minutes. We were whispering and it was a short conversation.

Choads.

[Super Evil Brian]

I don't know if someone already posted this, BUT...

The assholes who took the Yellow Bikes (the green-painted community ones), and covered them in electrical tape (especially the painting that said "Yellow Bike") so that no one would recognize them as being community bikes. I saw this done to at least three bikes, last year. WTF. Huge, huge assholes.

One of those ass wipes locked a bike at Media Mecca. It was there for a long time, at least a day. Caveat almost stopped his war with Monticello to hunt down the guilty party.

[Foxfur]

I just wish we could keep the asshats from winning tickets in the lottery. Steal a bike, banned for life, I say.

I think that's actually a fennec fox, native to north Africa.

I thought so too, but the tail doesn't look quite right for a fennec..

Lot of mammals lose hair due to stress. A giant week-long loud-ass party in an inhospitable desert would make any wee fox's tail thin.

*Looks at tail, whimpers*

[ygmir]

*Looks at tail, whimpers*

shouldn't you be looking behind you?

[CitizenRandom]

to the Jack hole fucktard assclown hippy who gifted me and some campers from The ACLU a ride to the burn Monday and didnt have a ticket
then couldnt find a ticket after dumping us off and we returned the truck-
then for trying to outsmart the Gate by lying his way in and saying he was my fucking husband (shudder)
Getting me sucked into some nasty business that resulted in me getting arbitrarily thrown out on Friday nite for knowing him via a ride to BRC
and for NOT getting eatin by coyotes after getting me ejected and humiliated after all the stress I had endured finding a REAL and LEGAL face value ticket-
Next time wear a meat suit when you go night jogging off to Gerlach from 13 mile for running outta gas - dressed in nothing but a headlamp, appologies and faked tears.

OH!

And for the female ranger who was elected to eject me- Throwing the burner out with the bathscum..evoking the new policy for gate breeching by repeatedly saying
" Ummmm UNFORTUNATLY...." like 52 times ..like a skipping cd. It was obviously part of the ranger training for such an instance but common seriously.. Ive been going for 13 years Im bigger than this- everytime you said
" Ummmm yeah UNFORTUNATLY" it was like a punch in the face. I had been there for five days- it was friday- he was NOT my problem
AND whats worse
She tells me infront of a croud of shocked burners that I can at least stay till the Horse burns and then when they all disperse reverses her position and trys to rush me thru breaking my camp in the dark- Im disabled and she just insists I hurry along because
SHE IS OFF SHIFT IN A MINUTE AND WANTS TO GO WATCH THE HORSE BURN........! wow. tackless bitch huh?

AS I was wrapping my head around how to deal with this issue- she was pounding UMMmmm UNFORTUNATLY like a Manson follower mantra into my head..
I get to camp and she sits there watching me break camp in the dark- Im disabled and shes RUSHING ME.
while reciting the" Ummm Unfortunatly"...new policy which includes ejecting all the people in the ride along with the perpetrator...
Then she apparently cant be bothered to walk over to the next camp and retreive the two other members I rolled in with- But
maybe it had to do with the fact she didnt have the stones to toss out
The two lawyers from'the ACLU...
doublestandard much?
Its okay...Im not bitter- theres always more Burningman- I had one of the most bestest times ever even if it was only for the 5 days..
best in three outta 12-
I feel pretty descent about the whole " UNFORTUNATE" circumstance..actually. made for a great t-shirt and a captivating story at all the d-coms.. just another experiance...which is better than no experiance at all I say.

[junglesmacks]

I think we may have a winner here.

[mgb327]

No shit....what a nightmare.

[ygmir]

wow..........and, he was able to get in, without a ticket, by saying he was your husband?
Interesting..............

so, so sorry, dang, that.

[Shambala]

CitizenRandom, there has to be more to the story as to why you were ejected on Friday night. Once I pass the gate, I have blended into the crowd of 50,000+ people and I just can't be found. There must have been some incident on Friday that brought attention to yourself.
Also, it seems to make perfect sense that if you're driving strangers in to BRC, you would ask the basic questions---"do you have a ticket" and "are you carrying anything illegal that will get us all arrested".
I simply can't imagine that someone would come looking for you randomly after 5 days to boot you from the event.

[CitizenRandom]

Ooooooo kinda ass hatty to call me on my shit but Im sure all situations on the Playa are measured by the manner of YOUR experiance. Let me break it down for you. I found a face value ticket in Reno. SHARED a ride into BRC with members of ACLU . The IDIOT whom did not have his own ticket-( nor could charm a ticket from any that may have exsisted for any WORTHY of atending the event)- was GIFTING us a ride into the event.He was responsible for himself.

NOTHING is free pal- his gift was costly..I in hind sight consider the sorce-and IT is my FAULT for knowing such a dip shit and beleiving him to have his shit together enough to buy his OWN TICKET. I tried along with the doods from FREESTYLE to wait with him at will call as long as humanly deemed fair. Almost most of that afternoon- Considering our having the self reliance to dig up our own ticket and camp outfittings- It came time to part ways. He was ejected from Will Call after the graciousness of Perimeter to allowed him to circle like a sad vulture for any hope of a residual MIRACLE ticket for longer than they find usual to tollerate- IT was embarrassing-but Hes a little slow but hes also a selfish leech with no respect for the event- but hey this is current revelation for me, I fell for the" Im too dumb to use the internet, or be self reliant angle ." You know..PITY.
I should of been savy enough to that and I kick myself for not picking up on it and parting myself his company when we arrived. My exhusband lost a limb and often would feign helplessness and hard luck as being a play on manipulating people who felt sad for his condition to gain advantages he could have easily managed on his own with effort like the rest of us.
The question came down as to how to get members of the truck WITH tickets to their camps and his truck back to him. He was asked to vacate the Will call by sundown Monday nite. We had patiently suffered thru his less than earnest attempt to look for a ticket finding him getting stoned and sobbing in various RVs and
vehicles.
It was desided that we would use his truck and that he would do his best to work for a ticket or find a ticket if he could back in Gerlach. I drove him back in to Gerlach- and helped set him up camp with friends of mine who run the stands set up in Gerlach - He was stablized- his plan was to stay after the event and get on striking a particular Camp I have been with forever. I then drove back with the truck to BRC with my LEGAL ticket and proceeded to burn. Arriving to my camp of certain noteriety- I was told No room at the Inn for a matter of planning and dues so I camped with one of 4 other kick ass camps who had yet to Camp plan their heads up their asses and rocked OLD school having more than enough room for me- we parked his truck I set up my camp with my new placement and awaited for either news that he had gotten a ticket and he could have his stupid truck- (keys were on the dash)or it would be returned after Exodus thinned out.
I still had shifts to attend to at my usual camp and Came to find on FRIDAY when I arrived for activitys planned for by my camp- I was givin a message that implied that despite the impossible MY HUSBAND(not ex either) was waiting for me to pick him up at the gate." My husband is rather unavoidable detained - he would NOT be unfortunatly waiting for me at the Gate.

Translated and after much cross checking from my camp and thru other service camp participants also running their shifts - It came down to the jack asshat had bought a braclet from a early departure and tried to lie his way past the brain trust of our famous gate nazi hippy hunting elite- with THE MOST STUPID LIE Im sure they have ever heard-

I was have been traditionally one of few members willing to stay after the party was over and come Monday would be apart in striking this camp for every year I have been a campmate - The Camp - a blended camp of various other services like rangers- dpw- and such..mixed in with a helping of fresh Playa noobs-
Our camp has a respectability and a well earned reputation
SO- I dont just hand over my ticket and dissapear into a crowd of 50000 people as you say
. ..Im also not involved in any stupid shit that would prenessetate me to try and be anything more than interested and co-operative in assisting to any matter Perimeter (ate lunch with them that day) or the Rangers ( can you say 10-7?) or anyone working the infrastructure would involve me in..
Regardless of how long Ive been going- or who I shared a job or art space with in the 80s- or who I know at the LLC or the countless bonds Ive enjoyed with any of the crews- or the book Im writting- ect- I still was a member of the truckload that was driven to BRC in a douchebags truck. I was asked to assist in decyfering the details of what was he had professed to the Gate.. In fact he was so unintelligable due to his speech problems It was generally thought maybe he was telling the truth and I could translate what they didnt understand- His story was so completely full of shit they realized after I spoke with them that he was a SNEAKY HIPPY FUCK.
Asshat said he had a wrestling game with me- I was his woman ( COUGH!COUGHCOUGH!!!) seriously ...? And that I had his truck and his keys and "as a joke" left him behind in Gerlach .
Nothing he said made any sence- and matched any fact - and when confronted by BLM he broke down and confessed..still The rule states to thro the Burner out with the Bath scumb .. Thats it.

SO There Mr.Inspecter Clueseau!!.. Do you need a crime scene reinactment with barbie dolls and sock puppets to re-inact all out for you or can you just fucking take my word for it? - Perhaps you might want to conduct a deeper investigation with BRC CSI and uncover the facts not submitted as evidence for supporting that "something just aint right here" feeling in the pit of your well seasoned e-playa gut. STFU your bustin my balls and I jump for trolls once maybe twice before ....well before Ill probably do it again ..um cause Im silly that way..so ENJOY! Im voting you as ANOTHER ASS HAT known as an Ass Hat After the fact-
What would you have done? I love where this thread might go...

To make matters further for the ass hat awards- The AH texted me thru my FB to tell me how HE - ( after the skillions of veteren burners who got the short end of the ticket at this burn) has been gifted a ticket FOR FREE because he is working for a guy whose son works for the Plug and Play camps as a sound guy and he will give him a ticket for this years burn to come and do set up with him!! Durpdurpdurp! And Cuz this guy gets like 10 plus extra tickets that "THEY" just give him for set up.
Then he asked IF I got a ticket yet and said he wishes me luck cuz its so hard to buy tickets and that hes unconcerned for the luck of others. I said I doubted he would actually get those special tickets.
If he makes it on the Playa..I cant say that his truck wont somehow wind up on Wall Street- double parked...


If you needed the clarification Thats the meat of matter. But now that Ive spelled it out for you in crayons ..let me conclude by saying Im not sure what your getting at . hopefully this will clear up whose burried in Grants Tomb Hmmm?

[knowmad]

So you hang out with idiots.

[junglesmacks]

My brain just exploded.

[mudpuppy000]

wut?

[Savannah]

Oh, stewardess! I speak jive.

Okay . . . so it looks like:

1) The driver who drove CitizenRandom in to the event did not have a ticket.

2) This man, her ex-husband, is a manipulative & hapless man accustomed to relying on the kindness of strangers, not unlike a stoner Blanche DuBois.

3) GPE took pity on him & uncharacteristically let him lurk at Will Call for a miracle before CR eventually drove him to Gerlach to get situated; CR then drove his truck back to the event.

4) The Ex shows up Friday, having illicitly purchased an Early Entry bracelet from someone in Gerlach, then lying @ Gate about 1) having a ticket and 2) being CR's legal husband 3) being left in Gerlach "on a joke". (Classic jest!) Then he recanted partially or in full. However, his truck was indeed inside the event, and since he has speech problems and a missing limb they were probably concerned about his ability to fend for himself, more than average.

5) The Bureau of Land Management (or Burning Man Rangers? Please note: they are two different authorities) . . . well, Someone with power did not find any of this to be amusing, and may have felt one or both parties were lying (even if it were only Asshat Ex), & either acting on BLM authority or in conjunction with the Event, decided that this was a legendary Whole-Vehicle-Turnaround situation, & revoked the ability of both people to be there.

CitizenRandom, you might in retrospect consider that people were curious as to whether you got screwed, or whether you personally screwed up. Sometimes it's not a matter of "I don't believe you" (although it can be, missing so many facts). People think: "How exactly did that happen? I don't want something bad to happen to me."

The lesson for all of us would appear to be: 1) make sure everyone in the vehicle you're traveling in has either a physical ticket, or Will Call info and their ID, because turning the whole car around is apparently enforced, if sometimes astonishingly late, and CitizenRandom was lucky to get 5 days inside the event with this clown near her. 2) Asshats who are only trying to screw a particular entity over will eventually get around to you, so do not associate, period. 3) Take a Stealth Asshat alllll the way to Reno.

[theCryptofishist]

Thank you for parsing that, Savannah. I got so entangled with the prose style that I sort of slunk away and considered putting CR on my "foe" list to preserve my sanity, forgetting to invoke one of my minor rules: If you can't make sense out of what someone is saying, consider the possibility that you are being flimflammed.
Maybe I should still put CR on my foe list, but at least potential flimflammer is a better rule than annoying prose style.
I think...

[oneeyeddick]

Flimflamming indeed....

[moonrise]

Daaaaaang...I never knew. Oddness beyond oddness.

May we see excerpts from your book CR? Please include new and unique lingo for our Lexicon will ya? [could be good!]

I still think Sav was stumped (the armless ex was NOT or WAS in jail, I think?) might need a re-do Sav, but uh worried about your safety...

Fishy impressed and/or pissed off...(?!)

Who is on Hippy medication?

Carless ACLU lawyers...the recession really is cutting deep.

You won, exploded someones brains, confounded many, got called out for hanging with idiots, and much much more...fun asshat post for sure.

Ya know CR you sure have the best damned pancakes I've ever seen!!

[48_love]

Playa (drama) provides ... ePlaya lulz!

[ygmir]

Oh, stewardess! I speak jive.
[snipped] Asshat alllll the way to Reno.

**swoon**

[gyre]

I thought it was someone not related, or well known at all?

Wasn't husband a metaphor?

[gaminwench]

I got that the owner of the truck was not the one-armed ex, merely that he used pity-me tactics as the one-armed ex had.
Confusing, at best.