Top Asshats of 2011 Burning Man

[pizzamancer]

My vote is for the member(s) of The Hive who continually used the back of our camp as their personal toilet. You know who you are, I walked past you several times taking a pee into your piss bucket, but must have missed you taking a crap. Thanks for leaving it there on the playa though. The JOTs aren't that far away people.

[Bob]

Whoever lofted the floating paper lanterns on burn night, from north of the Man -- on a wind blowing S-SW, a few landed on the Esplanade, and half a dozen blew overhead into the camping area, still lit. Takes moop to a new level. Try acetylene balloons next time.

[lemur]

people who will climb over shit in an obviously blocked off entryway... step ladders, benches and other obstacles will never stop the determined!

they only see their goal.. never the things in their way.

closed means closed, asshats.

the ladder and other shit you have to climb over to get in ? yeah.. that shit is meant to stop you.. not just slow you down.


asshat.

[lemur]

myself..

that one night after most everything was torn down, it was real cold and windy and i ducked out of the cold to pee in what i thought was an empty shade structure... only to hear someone about 10 feet away talk... mid stream....... i didnt pee on anyone, it was pitch black, and without my glasses i didnt see anything............but it still sucked

i said "fuck theres people here!!" in a horrified voice..


sorry.... it was super cold, i didnt have any pee bottles anymore and i wouldnt have made it to the portos...

[AntiM]

Whoever dumped greywater in our tiny evap pan which was nearly dry. Worse, had to be a campmate, I don't think anyone would wander in that far to dump their water at night.
Or Miss Manners who bitched at us for having the trailblazer in her way after she insisted on parking in a most inconvenient place anyway. We were gone before she was ready to leave, so she ranted in vain.

As far as asshats go, that is minor shit.

[BBadger]

The dirty hippie in the big brown coat who wandered into our camp during meal time, helped himself to a burger without a single word, sat down in the most comfy chair like he owned the place, gave some lame-ass excuse about losing his voice and not being able to give back the burger because he already was eating it when confronted about his actions, and then gave us the finger when we saw him off for being such a douche.

[Drawingablank]

All those thousands of Darkwads.

[Trishntek]

The guy that walked behind our bar, which is our private campers' lounge wearing a DPW shirt. He saw some menthols on the table and tried to claim one. We told him the person they belong to is not here right now and they are not ours to give.

He proceeded to inform us he has been building BRC for three weeks and what was HIS CITY is now our city. His feeble attempt to ingratiate us was offensive! I could have given him the spiel about months of planning, gathering and building as a camp sponsor, but instead I simply told him to go to the other side of the bar.

We had others who tried to make themselves at home in our private lounge. One even barged right into our kitchen like he owned the place! Those are the reasons I keep my single tail whip handy. For some odd reason, just having it at hand is sufficient inspiration for them to leave.

[C.f.M.]

Whoever dumped greywater in our tiny evap pan which was nearly dry. Worse, had to be a campmate, I don't think anyone would wander in that far to dump their water at night.
Or Miss Manners who bitched at us for having the trailblazer in her way after she insisted on parking in a most inconvenient place anyway. We were gone before she was ready to leave, so she ranted in vain.

As far as asshats go, that is minor shit.

Hm, seems there was a greywater goblin in TC, as I'm told someone dumped their greywater into our empty evap buckets Monday evening.

[Mr.Coffee]

Anybody who brings a laser pointer over 5mw is at the top of my 2011 list, but one takes the cake above all others:

that would be "Paul" who apparently worked at the 9:00 medical.

Now, I'll freely admit that when I told him to turn the damn pointer off, I was no longer being polite, but I was PISSED after watching all of these idiots nearly blind people with their dangerously overpowered pointers ( some of them were near 1 watt in output).

After I not-so-nicely asked this guy to be careful with his pointer, he shined it at my crotch from ~10 feet away.

Yes, I got in his face about it. that shit is NOT SAFE.

His defense? "I have a 10 watt laser at home"
so what? if you have a laser that powerful then you of all people should know how fucking dangerous it is to screw around with it.

I have a projector, I love it to death, and playa dust is the last thing I would want to subject it to, aside from the fact that I don't want to fill out the mountain of paperwork required to get a variance out on the playa. It's going to suck when some poor soul gets blinded by one of these pointer jockeys.

[Bob]

Our neighbors, who built a colony of those feeble "hexayurts", then ran a decrepit Coleman generator ALL FUCKING DAY to power their fucking AIR CONDITIONERS.

[jkisha]

Sounds like some pretty upscale neighbors to me. (unless of course, they didn't have a baffle box for the generator.)

Our neighbors, who built a colony of those feeble "hexayurts", then ran a decrepit Coleman generator ALL FUCKING DAY to power their fucking AIR CONDITIONERS.

[Bob]

They used two scrap pieces of the one-inch foam as a "baffle". Sure baffled me. Good thing we had a couple old RVs between us and them as a natural baffle. RVs with leaky waste pipes, and exhaust issues. Argh, wilderness.

[The CO]

ANY DPW person that uses the excuse "we built this city" as justification for acting like an asshat.

If you built the city, why do you have so little respect for it?

Furthermore, if you built this city, where the fuck were you we set up camp? I don't remember you helping at all.

(Please note that this is a use of the majestic plural of you, but any DPW worker that wishes to defend asshattery is free to do so.)

[CapSmashy]

ANY DPW person that uses the excuse "we built this city" as justification for acting like an asshat.

I must second this because of what happened on our street this year in front of your camp. That was some major bullshit.

What? You built this city? No you didn't, you stuck some survey flags in the ground and outlined some streets and built a coffee bar. WE build this fucking city.

[The CO]

I will say, that cheerful bunch did help me achieve an unplanned rite of passage for me and Jafe. In all our years, neither of us had ever filed an official complaint until that day.

I guess I should thank someone. Thanks, crusty DPW bitch with no potty training! Never caught your name, so I'll just call you Spot.

[Bob]

The DPW are a summer camp run by the Red Chinese. When I first saw APOKILIPTIKA I thought it was a DPW managers retreat.

That said, I think the only staff asshattery I witnessed was by Rangers in DPW drag, stealing a Lamplighter lamp on a drive-by in Center Camp. WHO DOES THAT?!? I mean, the Lamplighters are like the Swiss Guard of staff functionaries. Don't fuck with them, you might soil their taffeta gowns.

[RedHeaven]

OK besides the
~Chinese Fire Lantern Asshats
~Big Laser Pointer Asshats
~Darkwad Asshats
~Art Destroyer asshats
~Robot Assaulter Asshat

I nominate
~The Stiff Elbow Asshats "dancing" to the music at the large sound camps, loosen up, ravers!
~The punk rock asshole who argued with me about the punk scene back in the day, I thought we were having a fun argument until he went apeshit on me and started getting serious and actually yelling at me and pointing his finger. He apologized to his buddy I was with later on, but when his buddy told him "I think you should tell her" he never did. I gave him a sticker anyway. I have learned my Good Hippie ways since those punk days but sounds like he never grew out of the feeble bi polarity of whiny ass punk rockers. haha

~The n00b who came up to me and said "Youre beautiful even though youre chubby". Thanks for ruining my afternoon, asshat....I let you get to me and cried in the mirror at myself for a good hour. When my friend told him "that wasnt cool" he said "Im new here, I thought we could say what we wanted to people"
What a fucking asshat!!

~The asshat chick who was trying to get people to do the Wave right before Temple Burn. People just werent cooperating and she couldnt figure out why. Research much, asshat?

[Savannah]

I'm not a fan of the college kid who told me he was from the Department of Motorboating (or some such) who offered his services when I paused at 8:00? and Esplanade. I said "No, thank you", and that could have been the end of it, but he proceeded to be way too close and try to verbally pressure me into physical contact (which I successfully evaded through repetition). NO MEANS NO, Jackass. I don't want your dirty mug in my freshly sunscreened décolletage.

This will sound odd, but points go to Motsky, who was on standby, for trusting me to handle the situation on my own. "A woman's no" needs to be good enough for dummy date-rape-y types. They need to learn to hear it and process it.

[junglesmacks]

What? You built this city? No you didn't, you stuck some survey flags in the ground and outlined some streets and built a coffee bar. WE build this fucking city.

Right fucking on.

[lemur]

I think the only staff asshattery I witnessed was by Rangers in DPW drag, stealing a Lamplighter lamp on a drive-by in Center Camp. WHO DOES THAT?!? I mean, the Lamplighters are like the Swiss Guard of staff functionaries. Don't fuck with them, you might soil their taffeta gowns.

the rangers stole one of our lanterns?

pretty wimpy compared to the time someone stole a 10gal water cooler and screwed it to a spire...

but really why would anyone be messin with lamplighters! we have good parties and will get you nice and drunk... plus we have couches to pass out on and if you look like youre gonna die we will give you water, food and drag you to the med tent!

[Savannah]

but really why would anyone be messin with lamplighters! we have good parties and will get you nice and drunk... plus we have couches to pass out on and if you look like youre gonna die we will give you water, food and drag you to the med tent!

Lamplighters Bar was the friendliest bar I ever attended on the playa--because I didn't know a soul, and they still treated me and a friend like honored guests. It was a totally new experience. Strong tasty sangria, quesadillas(!), sweet, smiley bartenders, good music and a lovely view from the 2nd-story lookout point. Ran into an old friend from 2008. And I actually had to fend off a refill so that I'd be able to get home. It was an enchanted way to end my Monday evening. "My God . . . it's full of stars!"

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled Asshattery thread.

[FireTommy]

Ok, my nomination goes to the US Air Force for the low fly-by on Tuesday morning that went on and on... two F-16s at 19 mil each, a 25 million dollar Chinook and a 44 million dollar Blackhawk being used to photo Sparkle Ponies seems...excessive. The cost of it would probably fund Head Start for a year.
Plus, I wanted a ride and they didn't even offer.....

[Ano]

1. Holier-than-thou burners who have been coming for 10+ years and use that as an excuse to not give a fuck about anything. Camped next to a guy who had that exact attitude... on top of all of his "stories," he brought the MOOPiest damn bike I've ever seen with gigantic peacock feathers... and I picked up like fifteen of the fucking things after he told me over and over "I clearcoated them bro!"... he's also the same guy who pissed all over the Playa, dumped alcohol out, threw cigs out on the ground, ashed everywhere, baby-wipes in the portopotties...

2. Where did all the foreigners who had never heard of the survival guide come from? So fucking lucky we had good weather this year, but it also brought out all the yahoos... These aussies near me, sound system on all night playing terrible music, dumped a shitload of booze out on the playa, feathers and sequins and glitter fucking EVERYWHERE, stealing bikes and breaking them for fun, convinced that Burning Man was a gigantic playground for them to fuck things up in. They broke a stage on the Esplanade tuesday night. They had a pile of borrowed bikes. They also "donated" everything they brought by LEAVING IT ON THE FUCKING PLAYA. Brought no rebar, all plastic stakes... I was so hoping to see a windstorm fuck these kids' days up...

3. Guy who accosted me for asking him who he was going to see at Distrikt. Apologies for being curious as to what kind of music is being spun at a music-centric camp. I'll be sure to wear twice as much fur and steampunk shit for you next year so you don't get offended at me.

Luckily, I only met a few asshats in a city full of seriously fantastic people. I just had to get these rants out. See you all next year!

[unjonharley]

They used two scrap pieces of the one-inch foam as a "baffle". Sure baffled me. Good thing we had a couple old RVs between us and them as a natural baffle. RVs with leaky waste pipes, and exhaust issues. Argh, wilderness.

Couple a years ago.. I came in after midnight, found a spot
and started to set a night camp.. The guy next to us had crawled in his SUV with a running generator on the ground.. Guess he was running it for his sex toys.
It was one of those new oil/gas burners.. The oil smoke started choking my son and myself.. So I turned it off.. This big mad bear come backing out of his SUV..
I picked up my hammer.. We exchanged some---- and I offered to repair he shit (with the hammer) so it wouldn't smoke all over other peoples camps.. He said that was not "very burner of me".. I then offered to adjust his thinking ( again with the hammer).. He decided he would not need all night generator lighting and move away in the morning. I be a asshat.. Sometimes I don't give a fuck..

[bigbluedoggy]

After volunteering at Greeters for several years, I've become pretty adept at quickly spotting: joyous virgins who get it, clueless virgins who got dragged along by friends and have no idea what they are in for, complete moronic assholes who read about BM in Maxim as a great place to see naked chicks, very cool experienced burners, asshat holier than though experienced burners who can't be bothered because they are just way too cool, and every other variety of frat boy/girl, useless sparkle pony, and hopeless douchebag in between. It is a very interesting mix that goes into our city and the ratio of idiots gets much higher the later in the week you work as a Greeter. Seeing all these people as they arrive gives me a far better sense of what is unleashed on the city than I would gain by just riding around on my bike and I highly recommend it to anyone who has the slightest interest in the experience. I've heard there were complete asshole greeters as well, although I didn't see or interact with any on my shifts this year. As a Greeter, I try to be fun, informative, and spread the joy of our city to the arriving folks, but for obvious reasons, some of them just will not or care not to "get it".

*Edit... decided this isn't really the place to vent about my drunk campmate. Thanks for reading if you got that far. Let's just say, I had a problem child in my camp and I am glad I don't have to deal with him anymore. The venting felt good though... very therapeutic! Thanks.*

Burning Man reveals so much about people, a lot of which you might not care to know. Why is it that attending seems to give some folks the feeling that anything goes and they can be the largest douchebag they want with no repercussions? Quite a mystery to me.

[Aya]

My nomination goes to the group of foreigners I found doing blow in the Shuttlecraft Galileo right in our camp.

[theCryptofishist]

Oy!
I think it's been mentioned before, but somehow this is when it came together as a really obnoxious act.

[Turnip]

I'd just like to apologize for the crazy rude bitch that went batshit insane on me when I pulled up alongside her camp and politely asked "Hey, is there room to park here and set up our camp?" And while some members or her camp politely came out and explained to us that No, there wasn't room as the open space was waiting for morning and more campmates to set up in, she felt it necessary to come out and start screaming, waving her finger around and blaming us for knocking down her rope fence (a good 6 feet from our vehicle's path) and actually running up to our bus door and sticking her arm and offensive finger waving inside verbally berating us. Beforehand I had even offered to help her fix her "fence" and she completely ignored me, preferring to continue fuming like a 12 year old. The last she got from us was another apology and a recommendation to cool her shit, closing our bus door on her mid tirade. I have NO idea why she chose to handle the situation the way she did. But that bitch needed some fucking valium, I swear to god.

[Turnip]

~The asshat chick who was trying to get people to do the Wave right before Temple Burn. People just werent cooperating and she couldnt figure out why. Research much, asshat?

maybe her dead great grandfather invented The Wave.