roll call: After the Rapture, who's here?
by TomServo » Sat May 21, 2011 4:29 pm
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARO7ZjsXSkE[/youtube]
anything worth doing..is worth overdoing
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
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TomServo - Posts: 5765
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by knowmad » Sat May 21, 2011 4:34 pm
This Just In!!!!!
The Department of Celestial Accounting (contracted consultants to Harold Camping) Announced while they stand behind the Predictions of Harold Camping they also are aware of gross misjudgment of other factors on Harold Camping's part. Namely Samoa.
Samoa has a long rich history, complete with it's own cosmology and religious beliefs. or rather it did...
Factor X: When Christianity was introduced in Samoa, most Samoan people converted. Currently 98% of the population identify themselves as Christian. The other 2 percent either identify themselves as irreligious, or do not belong to any congregation.
Factor Y: Mission work in Samoa had begun in late 1830 by John Williams, of the London Missionary Society arriving in Sapapali'i from The Cook Islands and Tahiti. By that time, the Samoans had gained a reputation of being savage and warlike.
Factor Z: Once subdued by the loving grace of God. These Heathens were more eager to adopt a more sedentary life style and a foreign Diet that comprised mostly of Fatty high cholesterol foods and Copious amounts of French fries (venerated to the status of holy by a savvy Fast food chain) the result of this was a massive increase in the average body weight of the Islands population.
Having explained these factors, here is a breakdown of current predicament: It is one of simple physics and is related to the widely known hypothetical situation where "...all of the Chinese jumped off their chairs at the same time". When raptured These Samoans and their collective body fat will put a "Wobble" on the earths rotation and send it careening into the sun, well before 6pm European time witch is before 6pm in North America. So it appears that Even if you have been a good Christian and abstained by the pleasures of the flesh, you are doomed like the rest of us unless we can convince the entire Eskimo nation; whos average body weight and population is Identical to the Samoans to jump off their chairs in unison to counter the "wobble". this is the crux of the problem. The Eskimos resiliency to Cristian conversion juxtaposed against their anger at not being offered Fries by the Visiting London Missionary Society, (who thought them to be obese due to they'r heathen ways.) are unlikely to help Anny of us.
The Irony that the Greedy, overzealousness and shortsightedness of the London Missionary Society 200 years ago has Screwed us in the Ass yet again, is astounding.
The Department of Celestial Accounting (contracted consultants to Harold Camping) Announced while they stand behind the Predictions of Harold Camping they also are aware of gross misjudgment of other factors on Harold Camping's part. Namely Samoa.
Samoa has a long rich history, complete with it's own cosmology and religious beliefs. or rather it did...
Factor X: When Christianity was introduced in Samoa, most Samoan people converted. Currently 98% of the population identify themselves as Christian. The other 2 percent either identify themselves as irreligious, or do not belong to any congregation.
Factor Y: Mission work in Samoa had begun in late 1830 by John Williams, of the London Missionary Society arriving in Sapapali'i from The Cook Islands and Tahiti. By that time, the Samoans had gained a reputation of being savage and warlike.
Factor Z: Once subdued by the loving grace of God. These Heathens were more eager to adopt a more sedentary life style and a foreign Diet that comprised mostly of Fatty high cholesterol foods and Copious amounts of French fries (venerated to the status of holy by a savvy Fast food chain) the result of this was a massive increase in the average body weight of the Islands population.
Having explained these factors, here is a breakdown of current predicament: It is one of simple physics and is related to the widely known hypothetical situation where "...all of the Chinese jumped off their chairs at the same time". When raptured These Samoans and their collective body fat will put a "Wobble" on the earths rotation and send it careening into the sun, well before 6pm European time witch is before 6pm in North America. So it appears that Even if you have been a good Christian and abstained by the pleasures of the flesh, you are doomed like the rest of us unless we can convince the entire Eskimo nation; whos average body weight and population is Identical to the Samoans to jump off their chairs in unison to counter the "wobble". this is the crux of the problem. The Eskimos resiliency to Cristian conversion juxtaposed against their anger at not being offered Fries by the Visiting London Missionary Society, (who thought them to be obese due to they'r heathen ways.) are unlikely to help Anny of us.
The Irony that the Greedy, overzealousness and shortsightedness of the London Missionary Society 200 years ago has Screwed us in the Ass yet again, is astounding.
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Strong sympathetic people do the work of angels, Tough empaths endure the works of demons.
...................................................Strong sympathetic people do the work of angels, Tough empaths endure the works of demons.
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knowmad - Posts: 3144
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12 BWS BDV/DPB
by TomServo » Sat May 21, 2011 5:46 pm
15 minutes left here...think god flaked again.
anything worth doing..is worth overdoing
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
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TomServo - Posts: 5765
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by theCryptofishist » Sat May 21, 2011 6:15 pm
Shambala wrote:I guess the first thing I will have to do once I get to heaven will be to take a dump.
What a rip-off! I thought Heaven would have magic colostomies that would beam the waste into the flaming pit as you make it!
That's it, I'm putting my faith in plumbers; god's lazy and doesn't have much imagination.
Lose your legs--Become a merit badge.
Remember, you're just a make-believe soldier in an artificial army.
"So many people have so little clue and there's only a finite amount of patience in the world!" --International Incident.
Remember, you're just a make-believe soldier in an artificial army.
"So many people have so little clue and there's only a finite amount of patience in the world!" --International Incident.
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theCryptofishist - Posts: 34437
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by theCryptofishist » Sat May 21, 2011 6:40 pm
Well, it's good to see you, Fae.
Lose your legs--Become a merit badge.
Remember, you're just a make-believe soldier in an artificial army.
"So many people have so little clue and there's only a finite amount of patience in the world!" --International Incident.
Remember, you're just a make-believe soldier in an artificial army.
"So many people have so little clue and there's only a finite amount of patience in the world!" --International Incident.
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theCryptofishist - Posts: 34437
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by Clar-i-ty » Sat May 21, 2011 7:55 pm
Are they all gone? Am I left behind?
At least I'm left with some of my favorite Playa Peeps!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY[/youtube]
At least I'm left with some of my favorite Playa Peeps!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY[/youtube]
GET OUT OF MY TRUCK HIPPIE!
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Clar-i-ty - Posts: 576
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by Ugly Dougly » Sat May 21, 2011 9:10 pm
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/people-pl ... 21366.html
South Pacific villagers worship a mysterious American they call John Frum - believing he'll one day shower their remote island with riches
“John promised he’ll bring planeloads and shiploads of cargo to us from America if we pray to him,â€
South Pacific villagers worship a mysterious American they call John Frum - believing he'll one day shower their remote island with riches
“John promised he’ll bring planeloads and shiploads of cargo to us from America if we pray to him,â€
The Alps fill the mind with an agreeable kind of horror.
- Addison
- Addison
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Ugly Dougly - Posts: 15646
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by Elorrum » Sat May 21, 2011 9:41 pm
[quote="Ugly Dougly"]http://www.smithsonianmag.com/people-places/10021366.html
South Pacific villagers worship a mysterious American they call John Frum - believing he'll one day shower their remote island with riches
“John promised he’ll bring planeloads and shiploads of cargo to us from America if we pray to him,â€
South Pacific villagers worship a mysterious American they call John Frum - believing he'll one day shower their remote island with riches
“John promised he’ll bring planeloads and shiploads of cargo to us from America if we pray to him,â€
"There's a moon in the sky, they call the moon." the B-52s
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Elorrum - Posts: 3787
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by Bob Bitchen » Sat May 21, 2011 10:04 pm
Still here
Bob Bitchen
Those who want to be seen will never be seen even if they have already been seen.
Fuck Um if they can't take a Joke & Joke em if they can't take a Fuck.
Don't sweat the petty things just pet the sweaty things.
Those who want to be seen will never be seen even if they have already been seen.
Fuck Um if they can't take a Joke & Joke em if they can't take a Fuck.
Don't sweat the petty things just pet the sweaty things.
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Bob Bitchen - Posts: 271
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by jkisha » Sat May 21, 2011 10:34 pm
ygmir wrote:TomServo wrote:ive lost all faith in god!
you can't burn ashes, Tom...........
LOL
JK
http://www.mudskippercafe.com
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
http://www.mudskippercafe.com
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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jkisha - Posts: 10896
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by TomServo » Sat May 21, 2011 10:37 pm
ygmir wrote:TomServo wrote:ive lost all faith in god!
you can't burn ashes, Tom...........
with napalm you can
anything worth doing..is worth overdoing
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
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TomServo - Posts: 5765
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by mdmf007 » Sat May 21, 2011 10:57 pm
The moderator formerly known as MDMF may now be called TMFKAMDMF.
he has transcended this realm and should be worshiped by his minions by building an effigy in his honor and burning it yearly. Please decide on a cheesy theme yearly and center a camp around him.
More to come.
he has transcended this realm and should be worshiped by his minions by building an effigy in his honor and burning it yearly. Please decide on a cheesy theme yearly and center a camp around him.
More to come.
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mdmf007 - Moderator
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by maryanimal » Sat May 21, 2011 11:13 pm
I slept through the rapture. Am I in heaven?? could this be heaven? Ohhhhh it's beeyooteefull here!
Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious.
Burning Man is the answer, without the question, wrapped in a Hat.~~Gonzo F
"Nice. Tacos are good."~~Shambala
Burning Man is the answer, without the question, wrapped in a Hat.~~Gonzo F
"Nice. Tacos are good."~~Shambala
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maryanimal - Posts: 3569
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by TomServo » Sat May 21, 2011 11:36 pm
mdmf007 wrote:The moderator formerly known as MDMF may now be called TMFKAMDMF.
he has transcended this realm and should be worshiped by his minions by building an effigy in his honor and burning it yearly. Please decide on a cheesy theme yearly and center a camp around him.
More to come.
good try
anything worth doing..is worth overdoing
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
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TomServo - Posts: 5765
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by graidawg » Sun May 22, 2011 1:50 am
gyre wrote:Step One
Go to nevada
*gets map* jeez thats a long long walk.
definately slightly displeased at the lack of looting going on. dammit god was fucking with us again i'm going to be having cross words with him about this.
cheerful, competent, strong, and completely unconcerned.
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graidawg - Posts: 2634
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by Shambala » Sun May 22, 2011 2:17 am
So last night I found myself in full rapture mode. My entire body got all tingly and it felt like it turned inside out and I got very hot as I appeared to elevate off the ground on my way to eternal nirvana. Wow, was this for real? 
Well, it was actually the raw chicken that I had in my chicken marsala, and my body was trying to expel it any way possible.
I will have to try again on December 21, 2012. (note to self: avoid the chicken marsala)
Well, it was actually the raw chicken that I had in my chicken marsala, and my body was trying to expel it any way possible.
I will have to try again on December 21, 2012. (note to self: avoid the chicken marsala)
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Shambala - Moderator
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by TomServo » Sun May 22, 2011 3:33 am
Well shit! Get our hopes up! NOW I HAVE TO PAY RENT!!
anything worth doing..is worth overdoing
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
"Oh please, just one more sacrifice before we go?" -Tom Servo
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TomServo - Posts: 5765
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