tell me a story

[Sail Man]

MDMF and the Rebbi!!! Mindful of his numerous posting in the thread that which not can be spoken of, much less whispered, Sail Man began to watch warily, as these 2 nefarious souls slowly worked their way towards him. The crowd roared as they neared Sail Man, who furtively looked about for a weapon, anything. "Hear"! a voice shouted from the perimeter. Sail Man looked, quickly so as to not loose sight of the 2 who would punish him, and saw Lonestoner, arm stretched though the framework, holding a massive lit doobie, "Hear Sail Man! While you still have a chance"! Taking the doobie, he drew in a big toke, and looked back at MDMF and the Rebbi, who were now locked in a firm embrace, their lips closing.....Wow! Good shit, Sail Man thought to himself. I must share this, and passed it back through the framework of Thunderdome too.....

[OnceTheDustClears]

Upon receiving no takers to buy her book, or see her presentation, she ignored the hecklers and inhaled very deeply.
"Wow. This IS really good shit," she exclaimed.
Carefully she removed all of her clothes and placed them neatly in a pile.
Inhaling deeply again she giggled and threw herself into the waiting arms of...

[ygmir]

Captain James Tiberius Kirk,,,,,,,,,,while simultaneously applying much makeup.

She reached slowly down, down, down............fumbling for his "love phaser", knowing, all the wile she was fantasizing about............

[OnceTheDustClears]

her secret lovers waiting for her back in her tent.
She knew they were breathlessly awaiting her return...



After a final session, okay it was two sessions, with the phaser, she fled
back to her camp leaving James holding the...

[littleflower]

aforementioned doobie, which, happily, was still lit. he lifted it to his lips and was about to toke when sailman, MDM, and the rebbi saw him and made a grab for it, all at once, colliding in a huge mass of man-meat... arms, legs, swords, and various other things flying everywhere ..... and when the dust cleared ...

[OnceTheDustClears]

"Survivors READY!" yelled Jeff who was looking unusually clean for the playa.




Ignoring Jeff, everyone looked up just in time to see a plane landing on the airstrip with a load of...

[Sail Man]

Lemons! Everybody who was anything knew that the playa being an Alkaline environment could be counteracted by the acidity of the lemons. Not to be confused by the Lovely Lemon Sisters, these were lemons more in line with Lemonheads. Only, these were different. These were infused with a wee bit of "acid" destined for enjoyment of the Burn it it's utmost way, destined, for The..........

[OnceTheDustClears]

...dusty masses who were politely lining up with hands outstretched, waiting in turn for their own special Lemonhead. Candies were distributed and there was plenty for everyone.

Some time passed while the Heads sat quietly picking dust out of their navels. And then each other's navels...

Suddenly, with a clarity of purpose known only to the Lemonhead-heads themselves, there was a low rumbling sound that all at once erupted into a unifying howl.

The Heads gathered in an impromptu circle and astonishingly at the very center of that circle was...

[littleflower]

the great lemon planet


.....for they were no longer on earth. while they were contemplating their navels the lemon gods had swept them up and carried them lovingly to that sour yellow spot that all cooks love, for their sweetness was needed terribly for that lovely souffle that would soon be served to.....

[ygmir]

Julia Child



for only she could wield the power of the mighty lemon.......a recipe, so secret, so guarded, only she and her secret assistant know the exact contents.........

of course, as the procedure moved forward, her assistant, was run down by a moose


on his way to center camp, for coffee and acid laced chocolates...........

undaunted, Ms. Child, replaced him with.......

[Dad]

Whales. As the chocolates took effect she could only think of whales. Riding high on the back of one, leading it with a stick with a dangling lemon. Riding that whale back to Wales to

[OnceTheDustClears]

attend the elaborate wedding ceremony of...

[ygmir]

Liberace


for she had been transported back in time, to an era of sweet innocence, a time when all could frolic the Elysian fields, entertaining the hero's ensconced within,
and, there, there, finally, (owing to the hedonistic, love fest that is a wedding reception), is where she had a brief, yet torrid, encounter with.......

[littleflower]

liberace!

sorry ... i could do pages of liberace ...

[OnceTheDustClears]

After Julia's secret steamy and dusty encounter with Bubba (Liberace's evil twin) she professed her undying love for him
(for that man was truly an amazing performer when it comes to dusty sex).
Suddenly sober he ran off into the darkness, chasing that upright piano that happened to drive by, sadly never to be heard from again.
Not to be outdone by a piano, Julia created a huge art car of her own, fashioned into the likeness of...

[FIGJAM]

a picallo and ran after him sceaming " blow me you heartless basturd"

[Ugly Dougly]

...and he kissed her where she sat, leaving her behind for the others.

[OnceTheDustClears]

Meanwhile back at center camp, Liberace was...

[ygmir]

dining with "Jabba the Slut".....


for, Jabba, was a switch hitter, and, happily discarded Princess Leah for the attentions of his favorite entertainer, piano and otherwise.......

they ate, they drank, and, they danced the night away........
they twirled around the dance floor, with such speed and grace, they seemed as one...........melding into eachother with one spirit, one mind, one...............

[OnceTheDustClears]

...gelatinous pile of blubber. The fury of their dance had caused them to melt into a horrifying yet tasty pond of goo.
Those who brought their own cups were allowed to sample the elixir and deemed it fantastic.

Although in theory no commerce was allowed, the clever crowd froze it into cubes and promptly began selling it as ice.

Each lucky soul who cooled off with a cube in their beverage felt refreshed yet slightly odd
as within hours everyone who tasted the melting ice began to sprout...

[ygmir]

...gelatinous pile of blubber. The fury of their dance had caused them to melt into a horrifying yet tasty pond of goo.
Those who brought their own cups were allowed to sample the elixir and deemed it fantastic.

Although in theory no commerce was allowed, the clever crowd froze it into cubes and promptly began selling it as ice.

Each lucky soul who cooled off with a cube in their beverage felt refreshed yet slightly odd
as within hours everyone who tasted the melting ice began to sprout...

Belgians............little Belgians, like warts, that would drop off and run around looking for their capitol city............screaming, in Belgianese:.............

[OnceTheDustClears]

"Who's your daddy?!"

The surprising response came from...

[littleflower]

who else??

he told all of his millions of miniature belgian children that he was hiding waffles in his coat ... they all ran inside drooling for waffles with strawberries and butter and syrup, with bacon on the side, only to find that it was a trap!!! daddy's coat turned them all into sequins, which he then used to adorn one of his many coats. the mothers of all of these minature children cried and cried for them, searching desperately .... until finally, one of them ... a fetching blonde named matilda, ......

[OnceTheDustClears]

...who turned out to have an amazing and unusual talent.

She biked furiously to Center Camp anxious to share her gift with the world.

Rushing to the stage she...

[ygmir]

began to dance,,,,,,,for, she was a true master of the Waltz

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KXK-NNowe4&feature=fvw[/youtube]

as she twirled, and sauntered across the stage, the crowd grew silent. Their cheers and adulation halting........the sheer beauty and grace with which she maneuvered her 345 lb. frame was awe inspiring........and, being nude, somewhat titillating.
As the performance progressed, and, neared it's end, the crowd roared it's approval, and, demanded an encore.
They chanted, they roared, some, dancing as dervishes themselves, began to flagellate themselves, hoping to entice "just one more time".
Well,
in the face of such wanton glee and admiration, she could only accommodate them.
And, as she ascended , for her encore performance, she was joined on stage by none other than........

**spelling edits**

[FIGJAM]

Orion. She never wanted to be dancing with the stars because it was strictly commecial, but he chalenged her to antler dance and began to sing........

take a chance

and do the antler dance

drop ur pants and do the antler dance

put ur thumbs in ur ears and wiggle ur didgits

whole lota fun when you do it with a midget......

[OnceTheDustClears]

The crowd was indeed enthralled.
Even those sleeping off the night before on the dusty couches were awakened, rose to their feet, stuck their thumbs in their ears, and danced.

And danced.

Until finally after many hours of increasingly daring shenanigans, a hush fell over the whirling naked antler dancers.

For strolling proudly onto the stage, sporting the largest, most amazing antler of all was...

[Sail Man]

Urkel. Steve Urkel.



The love-child of a brief co-habitation between Liberace and Bill Cosby, Steven was blessedly endowed with an antler that would make John Holmes jealous, notwithstanding the fact that he was dead, for the sound of him spinning in his grave was heard the world over (and causing some less-endowed men to snicker). Steve, sporting the doobie that escaped the grasp of our dynamic trio in Thunderdome, let it dangle from his lips, not unlike the antler dangling from his nether-region, and made a bee-line for the most precious burner of all, our very own.....

[OnceTheDustClears]

Larry...yes that Larry. For even he had heard the roar of the crowd at the sight of Urkel's antler and had come forward to investigate.

Their eyes met. The chemistry was plain.

The two made quite a pair. In fact,

[ygmir]

it was almost human

...........said pear, roamed the countryside, in search of his old, Italian pal, Fellatio, with whom he'd spent many a spring day, and lustful night, cavorting near "The great pit of ambrosia".
They had spent a wonderful summer there, frolicking in the cream, and, making some of their own............
until,
one day, an evil presence appeared.

so evil, in fact, it had no name, but, bore a striking resemblance to............