TomServo wrote:I loved that job! Got to play with all kinds of machinery. Had a fire fighting vehicle...from your neck of the woods ygmir...that was built on a tank chassis. Had a hydraulic leak, so didn't get to play with it as much as I wanted.
ygmir wrote:yeah.......I've had issues with tracks on one of my loaders, on bare granite..........and a steel trailer deck........both just like ice.
slid a loader right off the side of a trailer once.

montanaprometheus wrote:ygmir wrote:yeah.......I've had issues with tracks on one of my loaders, on bare granite..........and a steel trailer deck........both just like ice.
slid a loader right off the side of a trailer once.
D7: 1 Dodge: 0
Monkeypoo wrote:There was a time in my life (many times really) when depression beat me so far down deep into a pit of such dark black hopeless despair, that I used to really think and believe that the only other option for me was death. It's an ugly ugly awful awful place to be. I've lost count of how many suicide attempts there have been in my life. This one in particular was 3 years back. It involved way too many bottles of prescription drugs, 2 bottles of wine, a 6-pack of beer, a half a box of kleenex, and a very sharp exacto knife. At the time, my reasons were many. I saw no way out of my pain. So I cried, drank, ate the pills, cried, drank, ate the pills, wash, lather, rinse, repeat... I didn't plan on hurting myself that day. Something just kinda took over. I snapped. I saw the craft knife in the pencil jar, took it into my hand, and sat on the kitchen floor for about an hour with it, continuing my crying/drinking/popping pills. The world took on a surreal feel and I began just cutting small little cuts.....at first. For people with squeamish stomachs, for people who get angry and judgemental, and for people who just don't have a clue about insanity, go on to another thread now. Don't bother me with statements about how selfish it is to attempt suicide. I've heard it ALL. I had never cut before. It was actually quite a "release". The cutting felt good. I watched the blood. I felt all that beautiful adrenaline totally fill me up. Insanity, you say? Yes. I'd have to say so. And then I just did it. FUCK IT, I thought. And in 3 very quick swipes I tore my arm open. Then I stopped crying. It didn't hurt anymore. Freedom would be mine soon. Then I got this insanely artistic idea to paint my mother's kitchen with my blood. I felt divinely mad. Out of my mind. I don't remember the rest. I woke up the next day strapped to a bed in a hospital. I was alive? Gawd, was I fucking pissed! I spent 2 weeks in a place with really crazy people. Turned out to be the best place I could have ever gone to. I wondered, tho, who the fuck had found me. I was so mad. Here's the Lucky Part. Apparently I called a friend in Alabama. I'll call him Bob. I lived in NC. I had recently moved. No one knew my new address or phone number. Apparently I had called Bob to say Goodbye and told him I was Sorry I was Dead. Then I hung up. Bob called everyone. Couldn't get anywhere. So he calls the Alabama 911. Alabama 911 calls NC 911. NC 911 does something on their computers and the ONLY way they were able to find out where I had moved to was because one week prior I had gotten a DUI. That's not why I tried to kill myself.
I'm lucky to have friends that love me no matter what. I'm lucky and grateful for the cop who pulled me over and gave me a DUI. I'm lucky and grateful (now) that I was found. I've made my amends and apologies. I've gotten help. Suicide is no longer an option. A lot of things I used to do are no longer options for me. I help others. I do service work and volunteer in my community now, which really helps me more than it does others if you ask me. Call me lucky. Call me stupid. Whatever. I live. I learn. Now I really live. Someday I gotta tell my mom I'm sorry about painting her kitchen in blood.
gyre wrote:Haha houses?
I really recommend european beam headlights.
Thecatman wrote:I just took a look at yahoo images at European headlights.
Is that type of headlight available for a Jeep?

,,,I'm lucky to have friends that love me no matter what. I'm lucky and grateful for the cop who pulled me over and gave me a DUI.
Monkeypoo wrote:There was a time in my life (many times really) when depression beat me so far down deep into a pit of such dark black hopeless despair, that I used to really think and believe that the only other option for me was death. It's an ugly ugly awful awful place to be. I've lost count of how many suicide attempts there have been in my life. This one in particular was 3 years back. It involved way too many bottles of prescription drugs, 2 bottles of wine, a 6-pack of beer, a half a box of kleenex, and a very sharp exacto knife. At the time, my reasons were many. I saw no way out of my pain. So I cried, drank, ate the pills, cried, drank, ate the pills, wash, lather, rinse, repeat... I didn't plan on hurting myself that day. Something just kinda took over. I snapped. I saw the craft knife in the pencil jar, took it into my hand, and sat on the kitchen floor for about an hour with it, continuing my crying/drinking/popping pills. The world took on a surreal feel and I began just cutting small little cuts.....at first. For people with squeamish stomachs, for people who get angry and judgemental, and for people who just don't have a clue about insanity, go on to another thread now. Don't bother me with statements about how selfish it is to attempt suicide. I've heard it ALL. I had never cut before. It was actually quite a "release". The cutting felt good. I watched the blood. I felt all that beautiful adrenaline totally fill me up. Insanity, you say? Yes. I'd have to say so. And then I just did it. FUCK IT, I thought. And in 3 very quick swipes I tore my arm open. Then I stopped crying. It didn't hurt anymore. Freedom would be mine soon. Then I got this insanely artistic idea to paint my mother's kitchen with my blood. I felt divinely mad. Out of my mind. I don't remember the rest. I woke up the next day strapped to a bed in a hospital. I was alive? Gawd, was I fucking pissed! I spent 2 weeks in a place with really crazy people. Turned out to be the best place I could have ever gone to. I wondered, tho, who the fuck had found me. I was so mad. Here's the Lucky Part. Apparently I called a friend in Alabama. I'll call him Bob. I lived in NC. I had recently moved. No one knew my new address or phone number. Apparently I had called Bob to say Goodbye and told him I was Sorry I was Dead. Then I hung up. Bob called everyone. Couldn't get anywhere. So he calls the Alabama 911. Alabama 911 calls NC 911. NC 911 does something on their computers and the ONLY way they were able to find out where I had moved to was because one week prior I had gotten a DUI. That's not why I tried to kill myself.
I'm lucky to have friends that love me no matter what. I'm lucky and grateful for the cop who pulled me over and gave me a DUI. I'm lucky and grateful (now) that I was found. I've made my amends and apologies. I've gotten help. Suicide is no longer an option. A lot of things I used to do are no longer options for me. I help others. I do service work and volunteer in my community now, which really helps me more than it does others if you ask me. Call me lucky. Call me stupid. Whatever. I live. I learn. Now I really live. Someday I gotta tell my mom I'm sorry about painting her kitchen in blood.
graidawg wrote:Monkeypoo wrote:There was a time in my life (many times really) when depression beat me so far down deep into a pit of such dark black hopeless despair, that I used to really think and believe that the only other option for me was death. It's an ugly ugly awful awful place to be. I've lost count of how many suicide attempts there have been in my life. This one in particular was 3 years back. It involved way too many bottles of prescription drugs, 2 bottles of wine, a 6-pack of beer, a half a box of kleenex, and a very sharp exacto knife. At the time, my reasons were many. I saw no way out of my pain. So I cried, drank, ate the pills, cried, drank, ate the pills, wash, lather, rinse, repeat... I didn't plan on hurting myself that day. Something just kinda took over. I snapped. I saw the craft knife in the pencil jar, took it into my hand, and sat on the kitchen floor for about an hour with it, continuing my crying/drinking/popping pills. The world took on a surreal feel and I began just cutting small little cuts.....at first. For people with squeamish stomachs, for people who get angry and judgemental, and for people who just don't have a clue about insanity, go on to another thread now. Don't bother me with statements about how selfish it is to attempt suicide. I've heard it ALL. I had never cut before. It was actually quite a "release". The cutting felt good. I watched the blood. I felt all that beautiful adrenaline totally fill me up. Insanity, you say? Yes. I'd have to say so. And then I just did it. FUCK IT, I thought. And in 3 very quick swipes I tore my arm open. Then I stopped crying. It didn't hurt anymore. Freedom would be mine soon. Then I got this insanely artistic idea to paint my mother's kitchen with my blood. I felt divinely mad. Out of my mind. I don't remember the rest. I woke up the next day strapped to a bed in a hospital. I was alive? Gawd, was I fucking pissed! I spent 2 weeks in a place with really crazy people. Turned out to be the best place I could have ever gone to. I wondered, tho, who the fuck had found me. I was so mad. Here's the Lucky Part. Apparently I called a friend in Alabama. I'll call him Bob. I lived in NC. I had recently moved. No one knew my new address or phone number. Apparently I had called Bob to say Goodbye and told him I was Sorry I was Dead. Then I hung up. Bob called everyone. Couldn't get anywhere. So he calls the Alabama 911. Alabama 911 calls NC 911. NC 911 does something on their computers and the ONLY way they were able to find out where I had moved to was because one week prior I had gotten a DUI. That's not why I tried to kill myself.
I'm lucky to have friends that love me no matter what. I'm lucky and grateful for the cop who pulled me over and gave me a DUI. I'm lucky and grateful (now) that I was found. I've made my amends and apologies. I've gotten help. Suicide is no longer an option. A lot of things I used to do are no longer options for me. I help others. I do service work and volunteer in my community now, which really helps me more than it does others if you ask me. Call me lucky. Call me stupid. Whatever. I live. I learn. Now I really live. Someday I gotta tell my mom I'm sorry about painting her kitchen in blood.
my dad commited suicide everytime i hear a story like this i think i wish u had called him when i got the urge 15 minutes before he did it. instead of getting home 6 hours later and sitting in front of the phone till it rang.
strangely it hasn't changed my view on suicide until i started posting on here (eplaya) i thought about it daily gradually getting more serious in my planning how to do it.
Its the people here and how they help each other, love and care for one another AND ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT FOR THEIR FELLOW MAN with no personal gain that made realise going on to the next step isn't necessarily the best move.
sorry i've wanted to share that for a while and not known how. its a long a rambling story (like most of mine) but i got a warning to call him and didn't. it hurts daily nearly 10 years later
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