Where the fuck does this go?

[can't sit still]

Don't miss out on the masturbatathon;
http://www.rense.com/general87/CSC_Stra ... cument.pdf

[littleflower]

A tender moment in a trash bin went all wrong for a couple who found themselves being held up at pocket knifepoint. Police said two 44-year-olds had climbed into a dumpster to be alone just after 6 p.m. Saturday when two men interrupted them and demanded their belongings. Officers said the man and woman were engaged in "an intimate moment" when they were robbed of their shoes, jewelry and the man's wallet.

[Elorrum]

yes, I do think I saw this cartoon in the jots last year. Two stick figures, one says, "I'm mid 60ish female, and I've rented my bathroom to someone. They sleep all night, and I can't get in to pee." Other figure says, "Go to ridiculous NYC rental situations pee funnel camp"

[gyre]

lol

[Elorrum]

This might be a good game idea: the six degrees of pee funnel camp

[can't sit still]

Never ending sex;
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/glance/86377 ... having-sex

[littleflower]

the mohawk is a nice touch.

[theCryptofishist]

I heard that the plastication process is imperfect and that the art starts to ooze fluids after a while.

[Shambala]

I heard that the plastication process is imperfect and that the art starts to ooze fluids after a while.

Don't we all!

[gyre]

[can't sit still]

No toenails;
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldne ... hetic.html

[gyre]

Italian exuberance

[Artemis]

I was trying to find a picture of a mule with pom poms (inspired by Monkeypoo) and stumbled upon this:

[can't sit still]

Find your city;
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/pict ... ation.html

[can't sit still]

Too weird for words,,, from mexico;
http://goldenagetoday.com/departments/p ... to-be-real

[Ugly Dougly]

I have a mummified monkey in my refrigerator as well. Excellent!

[ygmir]

I freeze dry small birds and creatures I find dead, if they're in good shape, in the freezer.....mummifies them perfectly, and, then, they're display ready...........

[mojo]

We found a dead bat in our upstairs bathroom medicine cabinet. Way gross. He must have found an open upstairs window and squeezed in to the cabinet - couldn't get out......

[can't sit still]

Cum catapulte proscripte erunt tum soli proscripti catapultus haebunt.
Copulo, ergo sum.
Fili mi boni belli

[gyre]

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_13452818

A kingbird rides bareback and harasses a red tail hawk at Bonny Lake State Park. (PAT GAINES | Special to the Denver Post)

Pat Gaines actually felt sorry for the red-tailed hawks at Bonny Lake State Park this summer.

Despite their aggressive reputation, loud screams and fierce, piercing looks, the red-tailed hawks at the park north of Burlington, just west of the Colorado-Kansas border, were being bullied when Gaines saw them.

"I've never seen red-tails harassed so much. They all seemed hoarse. I felt kind of sorry for them," said Gaines of the sight of dozens of little birds dive-bombing the hawks.

The hawks were minding their own business, Gaines recalled.

But the western kingbirds at the park were upset.

Highly territorial, the kingbirds felt the hawks were intruding on their space, said Gaines, a Westminster scientist who helps develop vaccines and tests used in veterinary medicine.

Gaines had focused his camera on one red-tailed hawk because the bird had been screaming. As he followed the hawk across the sky, a kingbird dive-bombed the hawk.

The hawk, which is not a predator of the kingbird, flew as fast as it could from the kingbird. For a moment it appeared the kingbird had stopped attacking. But then it began the pursuit again and — to Gaines amazement — landed on the hapless red-tail's back.

"He rode the hawk for 25 yards. The hawk was not trying to fight back — it was just trying to get out of there," said Gaines.

As the kingbird rode bareback on the hawk, it pecked away at the hawk's head.

"They (the kingbirds) are not afraid of anything," said Gaines. "Until this happened, I had never seen one perch on a hawk's back."

Gaines posted his photo at the Colorado Birder website last month, where he is a frequent contributor.

Other sites, including some in the United Kingdom, have picked up the photo.

The comment posted by Colorado Birder Sarah E sums up the reaction to the image: "Awesome photo!"

Howard Pankratz: 303-954-1939 or hpankratz@denverpost.com

[mojo]

Copulo, ergo sum.

Right now too? I should introduce you to my friend, JK......

[can't sit still]

Ass bombs; http://gothamist.com/2009/09/30/ass_bom ... _thing.php

[gyre]

Can't remember if this film predicted internal explosives, but others had.
But it did predict many things that happened shortly.
Some critics considered it too far fetched at the time.
Science fiction.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IUbBdcDEo0&feature=related[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szJpRIz4tTY&NR=1[/youtube]

[gyre]

[Ugly Dougly]

What's an internal explosive?

[gyre]

Explosives carried inside the body for concealment.

[gyre]

"May I borrow a towel to wipe up the blood?"

"What kind of meat is this?"

"Do not make me angry."

"Please forgive me, and accept this money/camera/watch as a gift."

"Do you know a place where I can hide?"

"You will never make me talk."

Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht have given us a new 'worst case survival' guide. This one deals with TRAVEL. Worst Case TravelI like it, because it is fun to imagine how I would out maneuver a lava flow or survive a fall onto the subway tracks ... and, then flip to where the experts tell us how to do it ... was I so foolish as to think that I could run faster than a downhill-bent river of molten rock ... or, that those red and white lines meant something other than 'hey, this train is gonna whizz by with but inches from these candy stripes'?

Fortunately, there are only one or two really useful sections; but, once you get past those boring bits on kicking through a closet wall to escape a hotel fire or how to kill small animals with artfully propped up stones, you can see if your gut reaction would have pulled you up alive from any of these more exciting hazards of the less traveled road ... How to Navigate a Minefield ... How to Survive in a Plummeting Elevator ... or, How to Cross a Piranha-Infested River.

The chapter entitled "People Skills" ... aside from addressing the obvious need to keep your cool in a hostage situation or, how to make yourself less visible in a riot situation ... gives some perceptive (even if not actually learned) tips on How to Foil a UFO Abduction.
_____________________________________________

Got itchy feet? If you're off to see the world, make sure you're aware of potential dangers – and how to overcome them.

If you have to leave home, take this book!

The team that brought you The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook now helps you navigate the perils of travel. Learn what to do when the tarantula crawls up your leg, the riptide pulls you out to sea, the sandstorm's headed your way, or your camel just won't stop.

Find out how to pass a bribe, remove leeches, climb out of a well, survive a fall onto subway tracks, catch a fish without a rod, and preserve a severed limb. Hands-on, step-by-step instructions show you how to survive these and dozens of other adventures. An appendix of travel tips, useful phrases, and gestures to avoid will also ensure your safe return. Because you just never know...

Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht, authors of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series, live life on the edge in the wilds of Philadelphia.


HOW TO PASS A BRIBE

1. If you are hassled by an official, be friendly, but aloof.
Do not show concern or act surly. Remain calm and good-natured. Try to determine if there is an actual problem or if the official is seeking some additional, unofficial compensation.

2. Never blatantly offer a bribe.
If you have misinterpreted the official's intentions, you may get yourself in additional trouble by overtly offering a bribe.

3. If you are accused of an infraction, ask to pay a fine on the spot.
Say that you would rather not deal with the mail or go to another location, citing your fear that the payment will get lost. Mention that you want to make sure the money gets to the proper person.

4. Try to speak to and deal with only one official.
Speak to the person who acts as though he/she is in charge. If you offer money to a junior officer while a superior is present, the superior may demand more.

5. Offer to make a "donation" to the official's organization.
Say that you would like to pay for gas, uniforms, car repairs, expenses, or other needs.

6. If you do not have cash, be prepared to offer goods instead.
Watches, cameras, and other electronics are often accepted as bribes. You might consider offering goods instead of cash even if you have the money, particularly if the "problem" concerns these goods. If, for example, a customs official tells you that you are transporting too many bottles of liquor, you might speed your trip and lighten your load by offering some of the items in dispute to the official.

HOW TO ESCAPE FROM THE TRUNK OF A CAR

1. If you are in a trunk that has no wall separating the backseats and the trunk, try to get the seats down.
Although the release for most seats is inside the passenger compartment, you may be able to fold or force them down from the trunk side. (If not, continue to step 2.)

2. Check for a trunk cable underneath the carpet or upholstery.
Many new cars have a trunk release lever on the floor below the driver's seat. These cars should have a cable that runs from the release lever to the trunk. Look for the cable beneath carpeting or upholstery, or behind a panel of sheet metal. If you locate the cable, pull on it to release the trunk latch. (If not, continue to step 3.)

3. Look for a tool in the trunk.
Many cars have emergency kits inside the trunk, underneath or with the spare tire. These kits may contain a screwdriver, flashlight, or pry bar. Use a screwdriver or pry bar to pry the latch open. You can also pry the corner of the trunk lid up and wave and yell to signal passersby. (If there is no tool, continue to step 4.)

4. Dismantle the car's brake lights by yanking wires and pushing or kicking the lights out.
Then wave and yell to signal passersby or other cars. This method is also recommended if the car is moving and you need to signal cars behind you.

Additional reading
The Paranoid’s Pocket Guide: Hundreds of things you never knew you had to worry about
by Cameron Tuttle ISBN 0-8118-1665-6

http://www.chroniclebooks.com/Chronicle ... 10-e0.html
http://www.chroniclebooks.com/index/mai ... ts_id,163/
http://irreference.com/category/worst-case-scenarios/

[Oldguy]

While gassing up my car today, I saw a little known fact posted on the video bulliten board above the pump." During your lifetime you will shed over 40 pounds of skin cells."

My thought was that if someone never vacumed his house, that skin was still there, if not eaten by dust mites. Tomorrow, I vacuum my floors and wash my sheets...

[gyre]

I don't think they mean 40 pounds at one time.
Hope not anyway.

[ygmir]

that may depend on whether you're friends with Eddy Gein................