I posted this on the 3playa just a few seconds ago, and while it's very personal and kind of embarassing, I feel it's time to clear the air and get this out and over with. I don't want any sympathy, just read it and let me get on with my recovery efforts.
An open post to the 3playa.
My posts of the past month, if not since I came online have been very erratic and at times almost psychotic. My issues are infamous, I have/had a lot of problems. But there was one I didn't share and it's contributed to a lot of the psychotic behavior everyone suffered through with me.
After finally finding a doctor who wanted to get to the bottom of 4 years of chronic fatigue, depression, massive weight gain, and other symptoms she had a test run that measured the free testesterone level in my blood. The levels shocked her into running 2 more tests. My levels were very low, normal is 260 to 1000, mine was 102, 141 and 178.
Last Saturday night I started using this: [[http://www.androderm.com/index.html]].
I feel like someone turned on the lights and I am waking up from a very deep sleep. It's only the first week into treatment but the change has been very pronounced, people have really noticed the change. And the changes are continuing. Before I left for Yellowknife my mother said it was like I was coming out of a coma, the change was that substantial.
So now that I'm waking up I am going back and seeing how bad I was...and I totally fucked myself with all of you. I can't change the past. Hell I can see Precip's reply...he's full of shit and trying to talk his way out of his fuck up. I'll gladly scan in the test results if anyone is curious. (I won't do that on the e-playa, but I know that group over there is highly skeptical) Anyway it's not about excuses, it's about understanding, actually it's about just saying here's my fucking flaw and it's fixable and I'm trying. I put this group through hell but I put my friends and family through worse. I need to fix what I can and move on. So I start that with an explanation, a full apology, and move on.
I won't tie you up any more, sat time is not cheap and this is a long post. Go ahead and rip me if you want but if any of you know guys that are depressed and having other problems like libido issues, fatigue, excessive weight gain, and more this is something they might want to consider checking. It's not a problem for older guys, if you don't have a healthy lifestyle this is the price you pay. Anyway the board is a lot better since I quit posting..I'll shut up and let it get back to normal again.
On location: Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, Canada.