PLAYA LIMERICKS! Post Em Here...

[Birdman]

Maybe you all think I'm nuts
but think of it & the buts
who writes like this
and doesn't take the piss
but fucks the ladies in the huts.

[Birdman]

What more can I say
as the ladies I lay
fuck 'em all
never mind how tall
but in the Playa, three a day.

[Birdman]

My language isn't normally like this
in the Playa, I love and then kiss
on the side I write limericks
maybe a ditty or two for kicks
so I'd rather like it if nobody took the piss.

[Birdman]

You guys are all so good
playing on the Playa in the mud
when the rains do start
fucking moving a cart
must be hard especially in the nud,

[Birdman]

Here rests my case
I'll put my head under the mace
I'm such a clean writer
without my head my body'll be lighter
I'll leave it here in this space.

[Tiahaar]

Blah blah blah blah reception,
Blah blah blah blah exception;
Blah blah blah BANG
Blah blah blah WANG
Blah blah blah blah conception!



ok I quit, outnumbered and unloved

[theCryptofishist]

Tiahaar

It's more playa if it goes:

Dust dust dust dust reception,
Dust dust dust dust exception;
Dust dust dust BANG
Dust dust dust WaNG
Dust dust dust dust conception

[Birdman]

There once was a fish in the lake
it got caught and put in a cake
it was mixed in with breadcrumbs
where the material was pounded with drums
and the guy on the playa said, "did I, it make."

[Birdman]

On the other hand he could have said
the fish may not have been dead
why make it into a fishcake?
Why not leave it alive in the lake?
And it could have met another fish and got wed.

[Birdman]

Or the shark could have got it first
'cos it was hungry with thirst
but mister fish knew better
he knew where was the netter
and the fishermen were cursed.

[Birdman]

So the people of BRC are not affected
because their fish were not selected
they can swim happily in peace
their lives will not cease
because the Swimaster was elected.

[Birdman]

The Swimaster is the keeper of the fish
in Black Rock City this is a favorit dish
the fishermen get it in the neck
if when they arrive, it's not on deck
the buyers won't give 'em their wish.

[Birdman]

Alright tell me I'm shit
on the nail I don't make it hit
I write two K limericks a year
on different forums, clear?
If you want, call me a nit.

[mdmf007]

Bridmans a nit
with what he calls wit
drops it on eplaya
a hell of a guya
makes me want to quit

[Birdman]

OK james bond
tell me how to wave a wand
if I'm a pain in your life
or you hate me & my wife
and of me you're no longer fond.

[Birdman]

My time is now nigh
don't ask me why
the e-playa
is now much nearer
'cos this thread is gonna die.

[Tiahaar]

Tiahaar

It's more playa if it goes:

Dust etc...

true that

madmatt + birdman = the limerick thread from hell

[Birdman]

There once was a lady in B.R.City park
she was playing around like a lark
with not any cares in the world
her sails seemed to be unfurled
and her dog liked to bark.

[help]

Man, I think that you've got it all wrong,
If you think it's wild women and song,
It's not all screwin' and drugs;
True acceptance and hugs
Is what helps us Burners get along.

And Monkey, I thought it nice,
That for only the one ticket price,
On my inaugural excursion,
As a green "Playa Virgin,"
I could witness the Man burning twice!

After Once, how the rumor-mill flew:
"A Disaster," and "What should we do?"
DPW; "No trouble."
Phoenix rose from the rubble,
So I came for the one but got two!

Seems the playa is special that way,
Just when things are in full disarray,
Something you need to find
Slams home deep in your mind
And you KNOW it will all be O.K.

And madMatt-I've said nothing of pee!
But you'll know this is true, 'cause it's me,
Try a kilk-it's a rip
With no need to unzip,
A little bit dusty, but FREE!

Post Decom we danced at the bars,
And continued all day at Club Naars,
You missed my poop story,
(And it's pretty gory,)
Bad enough that I think I have scars!

Ask Muggy to give you the scoop,
('Cause he led our all-day party troupe,)
Just one moment of strife,
And you're branded for life,
After one Vegas hotel-room floor poop!

"No eternal reward," it goes on,
Can repay us for wasting the dawn."
With that said, now,
I must harness the plow,
And earn cash for next Burn with my brawn...


...and, oh yeah...

Remembering traffic with ire,
Last night, I lay back to retire,
Thought of one bumper sticker
That would make me snicker,
"My other Vehicle is FIRE!"

Cook ya later, Burners...)'(elp

[Bay Bridge Sue]

No dogs allowed in BRC. Not too many parks, either.

****************

I really hate to say this, but it's like the famous essay about Cheese...

Which essay is this, you ask?

A high school teacher asks the students to pick a subject out of a bowl, then write a 7500 word short on the subject they pick. Johnny, the local motor-head picks the one that says "Cheese".

He looks... stunned. Like he'd been pole-axed. Thinking to himself, "What do I know about Cheese?" Then this look of inspiration crosses his eyes, and he starts to write furiously.

So Johnny writes this essay instead on his favorite car, this Chevy Chevelle. It was fast, it was sleek, it was an babe magnet. His main squeeze, Janie, used to go everywhere with him in it... it was like his ticket to Nirvana.

Then this other kid, Bill, drives *his* new ride to school - this old 'vette stingray. Hot car. People started flocking to him, chicks wanted to ride with him, Other guys envied him. Even Janie, the shallow, dumped Johnny so she could hang around Bill.

With a flourish, he walks to the front desk and hands in his essay. The teacher reads through it, referring back to the small slip of paper attached to the corner. Shaking her head, and totally perplexed, she calls Johnny up.

"This is a great essay. You wrote this amazing article on your car, and the disappointment you felt when Bill bought the corvette, and became popular. Excellent writing style, nicely parsed."

"Yep" said Johnny, a look of smug satisfaction on his face.

"But", his teacher continued, "Your essay was about Cheese. See the slip here? Not once did you talk about Cheese; I mean, younever even put the word in the essay."

"That's right", said Johnny, still on his cloud".

"Well then," said the teacher," Is there any possible way you can coorelate the subject, Cheese, with your car essay? Sure, it IS a fine piece of writing, but how is it even close to on topic?

"Easy." Says Johnny. "Ya see, I was the cool guy around here, had the cute ol' lady, the fast car, people liked me. Then this butthole, Bill, shows up in his stupid corvette, all my friends, heck, even my girlfriend leaves me for that dickwad, and, man, that *really* cheeses me."

**********
I know it's not a limerick, but it makes the point.

I could come up with a hundred limericks an hour, hell, I could plagiarize them from limerick sites and change one word to "burner", "black rock city", "Playa", etc... and it would be no more about Burning Man than a dog in a park. There's enough valid info in this board where in 5 minutes you can come up with subjects that ARE realistically germane to Burning Man.

Sorry, I hate to be snarky, but, maybe, Birdman, you should read about this thing, I mean, learn what the event is and what it's all about. THEN do some limericks. We don't care what your post count is... I can post a shitload of crap and get a post count in the stratosphere, but would people read it? Prolly not. I know I wouldn't.

So please... find out something about the event first. Otherwise your limericks are, well, like Cheese...

Sorry, and good luck. Seriously.

With this, I'm out...
bb

[Birdman]

I am sorry for the limericks that I've written
I hope my soul won't be smitten
burners of the Playa and BRC
you're welcome to come round for tea
and eat some cakes that haven't been bitten.

[Birdman]

Bay Bridge Sue, your point has been taken.

[help]

B.B. Sue: I just read you-felt ill.
I can see that you're tired of the swill.
And I'll make you aware,
Tho' you prolly won't care,
In Default, I am always called "Bill."

The parallel ends there, with luck.
No fast car, just an old beat up truck.
I was never called "cool,"
And I did stay in school-
Thought a minimum-wage life would suck.

For the birdshit that stinks up this place,
It sounds like it's more than you'll face.
I'll be honestly sad
if you allow what's bad
to replace your grace in this place.

See, I learned, on the Playa, this year,
That commitment's especially dear-
Without it-no art.
And that's just a start,
I hope that I am being clear...

madMatt started this rhyming trend,
and he will be, forever, my friend,
so inspite of the shit,
I commit not to quit-
I will see this thing through to the end.

But do what you must do for you,
to thine own heart, forever, be true.
Just because we do part
Don't mean we can't re-start.
(Learned that lesson on the playa, too.)

Well, I guess, that I oughta go,
My philosophy's starting to show...
and my grammar's done went-
I can see my accent...
It ain't how I was taught, don't you know!

So a final, and fondle, "Fare Well,"
Until YOU pop back outta your shell-
I'm here beating the drum,
And you're always wecome,
That is, IF you can handle the smell!

[madmatt]

For the birdshit that stinks up this place,
It sounds like it's more than you'll face.
I'll be honestly sad
if you allow what's bad
to replace your grace in this place.

so inspite of the shit,
I commit not to quit-
I will see this thing through to the end.

Help you are so Naarsforten!

woot!

[help]

[quote="madmatt"]
Help, you are so Naarsforten!



Whether a compliment, or insult, you're right!

[madmatt]

Help, you are so Naarsforten!

Whether a compliment, or insult, you're right!

Wild Bill took a trip to the Black Rock
After three days he had no underwear and no socks
They say it's all timin'
When playa virgins break their hymen
But since that day Bill's been Help and can't stop rhymin'

[help]

A kilt requires no underclothes,
As any good kilt-checker knows.
Add some wind and some dust,
I found I formed a crust-
Quite offensive to a sensitive nose...

And, yeah, rhyming IS stuck in my head,
As is timing the stuff that I've said-
"Limerick OCD"
It is consuming me-
Must continue the fight 'til I'm dead...

Bill the virgin broke hymen and split,
He told me, "Here, take over my shit."
I said, "That's what I'll do,
I was EXACTLY like you,
Until I actually gazed out over IT."

"The 'Are you fukin' kidding me' phrase,
I repeated, non-stop, for three days.
Didn't sleep, didn't eat,
Left the boots on my feet,
Loved the hell out of all-night forays."

"Four days, saw the sunrise from 'Lotus,'
Were you there?-Sorry I didn't notice.
I was too busy learning
Why I had quit yearning
And was living in perfection-filled moments."

Bill the virgin, he never came back.
Now, don't think of that as an attack,
It's just, once you have seen it,
And I really mean it,
Your brain kinda just changes track....



Well, atleast, mine did. Remember your first time? The wonder, the spectacle, the enormity? :shock: The "Are you fucking kidding me???" moment when you realized the place was, simply, impossible? Instinctively, you knew you were home, really home, without anybody telling you-and you had never been there before? The "we can't possibly ALL die out here, unless the Default world really tries to wipe us off the face of the planet," feeling followed by the "self-reliance is enpowering (by definition?!)" feeling? So what's a little dust in your drink, when it was given to you by the nicest person you have ever met since the last person you met? Remember, after the first time, when you realized, every single moment was unique, never to be repeated, in a city that exists for 1 week every year? Remember the friends you made, still have? Remember when you realized all those other burners could be your neighbors, your city officials, your tow-truck driver-anyone,really.
Remember your relief in knowing you weren't alone in your perceptions on this tiny little oversized, lonely, overpopulated planet called Earth? Remember when you knew-really knew-your life was yours. All yours. Remember...?

[theCryptofishist]

Left the boots on my feet,

This practice I don't recommend
Belive this when I tell you my friend
Treat your feet right
Take them out overnight
Or they'll run off without you in the end.

[help]

"Boot feet" a problem, it was.
Hours dancing at "Deep End," the cause?
Swelled so tight all about,
just too tough to get out-
would have required fine work with some saws.

En route to L.A., got 'em off.
Companions gagged back a cough.
"Where's the rotten meat?"
"Sorry, that's just my feet."
"Back on NOW, or it's YOU that we'll doff!"

They were right. It was BAD, "Holy Jeez!"
As the new guy, I tried to appease.
I pushed, pulled, and pried
To get them back inside
of those boots that were half-full of cheese.

Got 'em in, and it turned out O.K.
My toes are just half numb today,
And with thinking quite sober,
Said, "It's only October.
I'm sure they'll be all good by May."

Virgins: Learn from my first-time mistake,
And be certain it's one you don't make-
theCryptofishist is right:
AIR YOUR FEET OUT AT NIGHT
It's a simple precaution to take.

Most the deep calloused blisters have healed,
And new skin has replaced what has peeled,
"Care well for feet and shoes,
and they'll take care of you"
I am real proof of that truth revealed.


Thus, endeth todays "How not to make the same dumb mistakes I made my first time out on the hot, dusty, you-shouldn't-go-there-if-you-have-any-doubt-about-your-ability-to-handle-it, I-hear-it-was-better-next-year, if-you-lived-here, you'd-be-home-by-now, you-have-virtually-no-good-reason-not-to-be-happy, Black Rock City playa sermon.
_____________________________________________________________



I have so much trouble with the simple stuff, I never even get to the hard parts.


_____________________________________________________________


Wisdom is not the product of schooling, but of the life-long attempt to acquire it.
-A. Einstein

[Silverwheel]

Said a certain sweet red-headed siren,
"These Burners are cute - I must try one."
She came home in the nude,
Stewed, screwed and tattooed
With lewd pictures and verses from Byron.