your stupid joke here

[Simon of the Playa]

brian mulroney, now THERES a canadian joke thats funny.

[theCryptofishist]

hahahaha, that's funny ^_^.

...>.> actually its from a Russian joke book.



<.<

that was sold in Canada, and probably poorly translated.

I still remember the "American Jokes they Tell in Poland" issue of MAD magazine. (okay not the whole issue...) Although right now all I've got is: "How many honest businessmen attended the 'Honest American Business Man's Conference' last year?" "Both of them."

[flatlander13]

So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[ibdave]

[quote="flatlander13"]So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[ygmir]

[quote="flatlander13"]So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[ibdave]

[quote="flatlander13"]So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[can't sit still]

> The Pope & Nancy Pelosi
>
> The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
>
> The speaker and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before. To
>
> make it a little more interesting, the speaker says to the Pope,
>
> "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make
>
> every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
>
> He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits
>
> rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually,
>
> the cheering subsides.
>
> The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance,
>
> considers what he could do.
>
> "That was impressive, the Pope says, "But did you know that with
>
> just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd
>
> go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like
>
> that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they
>
> will forever speak of this day and rejoice."
>
> The speaker seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of
>
> your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
>
> So the Pope slapped her.

[ibdave]

http://cbs13.com/slideshows/Married.Nam ... 62840.html

[Monkeypoo]

[quote="flatlander13"]So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[ibdave]

[quote="Monkeypoo"][quote="flatlander13"]So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[Monkeypoo]

[quote="ibdave"][quote="Monkeypoo"][quote="flatlander13"]So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[ibdave]

[quote="Monkeypoo"][quote="ibdave"][quote="Monkeypoo"][quote="flatlander13"]So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[ygmir]

[quote="ibdave"][quote="Monkeypoo"][quote="ibdave"][quote="Monkeypoo"][quote="flatlander13"]So Farrah Fawcett gets to Heaven and meets God at the gates. God tells her that she has lived such a generous and loving life that he will grant her one wish. She responds, “I wish for all of the world’s children to be safe.â€

[ALICEtheGOON]

Micheal jackson 's will stated he wanted to be buried at " Walmart"!!??

When they ask the family why ,they stated .." little boys pants are " half off" this week".

[Bounce530]

Micheal Jackson arrives at the pearly gates. St Peter doesn't recognize him so he asks, "What exactly did you do on earth?"
“I dressed up in funny clothes and entertained peopleâ€

[Lemon-Coffee]

[quote="Bounce530"]
“Im sorry father, I dont see your name down here, what parish were you in?â€

[can't sit still]

He's my brother
>
> Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box
> of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
>
>
>
> The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are
> you?"
>
>
> "Eight," the boy replied.
>
>
> The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"
>
>
> The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're
> for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you
> use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now,
> he can't do either

[Fire_Moose]

what is a Mohel's salary?




$35,000 plus tips

[Thecatman]

Another blond joke! A blond was driving down a highway and saw a sign that read "CLEAN RESTROOMS NEXT 10 MILES." She was extremely late for an appointment because there happened to 26 restrooms that needed cleaning!

[H.G.Crosby]

i am reminded of the vast world wide conspiracy, as outlined in the Keepers of the True all beef Franks, The Elders of Zion, Kosher meats, and sons.

since it is well known that jews control everything, EVERYTHING from cheap schmata kids clothing with fancy designer labels the yentas and shiksas both can love, and pay double for a jump suit with 1/4 of the cloth, and half of the quality and "styling"....shit, they're just Kids....i digress.

but anyway, there was a point in time, not too long ago, during the first George, aka the big Bubbe, where the elders of Zions Meats and sons, were asked to consult Farkel's House of Pile and fine satins, with a possible solution to their problem with inventory

"Inventory is SHIT until you sell it!"

i had walked into a shouting match between the elder farkel bros., and their accountant, herschel, because they're ALWAYS called herschel, sometimes morrie, but never sid.....i digress

i asked them what was wrong, and after a hurried cigarette, Izzy blurts out "We fucked up Si, we ordered 5,000,000 yards of yellow fucking ribbon by accident COD, this Fecocteh computer, oy!"

"and you paid?"

"The goddamn schwarze at the loading dock, the check was computerized printed out and in a fucking envelope, how was he to know, jesus H. Fucking Christ, it was so much easier with Cash, you know?"

"i know"

so i sat there and then it occurred to me..it was easy, i had met them in hobe Sound, i'll just give them a call, why not, it's worth a shot.

"hey, is neil there, listen, i need you to put the bug in the old man's ear."




Persian Gulf, Desert Storm Part One, the Kuwaiti Incubator.

we sold ALL of that feh ribbon, and then realized we NEEDED MORE!

oh my god, we sold more of that shit, we we're cutting up yellow fucking sheets from the 70's and rolling it ourselves!

i digress.

Well, the point to this story is this, i have it on good authority that Groucho Marx Glasses are currently at inventory levels that were unthinkable during the golden age of groucho marx glasses, and are reaching critical mass and may soon strangle the entire industry and take down everything else as well that we have worked tirelessly through pogrom after pogram to dominate the brassiere and undergarment universe as well as the Optometrist Union, which by far and away is the meanest bunch of eye scratching white coat ninjas i have ever laid eyes on. I digress.


so, where was i, oh yeah, invest NOW, get in on the ground floor, because by oct 15th, you will not be able to find even a cheap chinese rip off "Gloucho Malx", even on etsy. I hear they were made with cat hair anyway.

ok....


um.



shit i forgot the punch line.


nevermind.


sorry.



i got nothing.

[mdmf007]

What did Michael Jackson tell the medics when they came????



"Take me to Childrens Hospital!"

[ygmir]

What did Michael Jackson tell the medics when they came????



"Take me to Childrens Hospital!"

that's your second.......

first:

"don't post on my thread"...........

hahahahahaa

and, your rebi pit bull enforcer..........

[Monkeypoo]

Totally stupid joke. I don't make 'em up. I just pass 'em on.


BREAKING NEWS -- It has just been reported that the head gardener at the White House has been dismissed after 28 years of loyal service to the many US Presidents. When interviewed, the gardener protested his innocence and said, "All I know is I was walking past the Oval Office and I asked, 'Has anyone seen the spade and the hoe?' The next thing I knew I was fired."

[Thecatman]

"Mike" was at his monthly 4x4 meeting with his fellow off-roaders. He informed them he would not be able to go camping with them the coming weekend because his wife won't let him. He leaves the meeting amongst the jeers and laughter. The next weekend when the group arrives at their campsite, why, theres Mike, his tent set up and he's ready to go fishin and 4wheelin. His buddies asked "how did you get your wife to let you go?" "I did'nt have to" he says. "When I got home I craked a PBR and plopped down in my recliner to drown my sorrows. Next thing I know my wife sneaks behind me and covers my eyes and yells 'Surprise! Carry me to the bedroom and tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want.' So I did and here I am."
The moral of the story:
Women need to be more specfic.

[Oldguy]

: confused : What is joke?

[Thecatman]

Bunch of guys in a locker room at the golf club. Cell phone laying on the bench rings. One of the guys answers it, engaging the handsfree speaker function as he does so. "Hello!" "Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?" "Yes!" "Well, I'm at the mall and I found a beautiful leather coat I've always wanted. It's only $1000. Is it OK if I get it?" "Sure, if you like it that much." "Thank you. By the way, I stopped at the Mercedes dealer earlier and saw a modle I really like." "How much?" "90,000!" " OK but at that price I want all the options." "Great! One last thing, you remember that house that was for sale and they wanted $1.5 million? Well its been listed again and they want $950,000 now!" "Well, offer them $900,000 and if they refuse, we can finance the remaing $50,000." "OK. See you later! Have fun and I love you!" "Love you to, Bye!" The guy hangs up. The other guys in the locker room stare at him in amasement, their mouths agape. The guy smiles and asks "Anybody know whos phone this is?"

[Ranger Genius]

Joke thread fell to page 3?! Unacceptable!

Ethnic Lightbulb joke formula:

Q: How many [members of a given ethnic minority] does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: [N]; One to hold the lightbulb, [N-1] to [behave in a manner generally associated with a negative stereotype of the given ethnic minority].

[Thecatman]

A woman from New York was driving her car on Hwy 160 through the Navajo Reservation in NE Arizona when her car broke down. A Native American man on horseback happened by and offered her a ride to the nearby town of Kayenta. She climbs on the horse and off they ride. The ride was uneventful except every few minutes he would yell "YEEHAWW!" so loud it would echo from the surrounding canyons. When they arrived in town he let her off at the service station. He let out one last "YEEHAWW!" and rode off. The attendent asks, What did you do to make him so excited? Nothing, replies the woman. I sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held on to the saddlehorn so I would'nt fall off. To which the attendent says, Uh maam, Native Americans don't use saddles!

[ygmir]

this just cracked me up............

[Simon of the Playa]

http://oldjewstellingjokes.com/post/195 ... offset:0;0