Tips for Shy People at Burning Man

[FIGJAM]

It all started with radio free oz and they just had their 45 anniversery.

http://www.radiofreeoz.com/

[swampdog]

Bozos. I think we're all bozos on this bus. Lots of fond memories of listening to Firesign.

[graidawg]

my anti shyness tip? remember all these people arent your neighbours in defaultia if you do make anarse of yourself they arent around to tell people next week.

[MyDearFriend]

The other great thing to remember, is that the people you connect with when you show your authentic self, are the people you will love (and be loved by) for the rest of your life.

[Nymue]

The other great thing to remember, is that the people you connect with when you show your authentic self, are the people you will love (and be loved by) for the rest of your life.

Beautiful! +1

[peacefulhuman]

I have this bad habit of averting eye-contact as if I'm doing something wrong by looking at someone when they notice.

Me too, like I'm going to see someone in some way nakedly if I look in their eyes. This one I think just takes practice.

I've gotten better about this over the years -- I used to avoid eye-contact all the time when talking with people. After a while of purposely making an effort to maintain it, I find it's not so hard. But what's weird is, if I have a conversation with someone I don't normally talk to, or someone around whom I'm nervous or uncomfortable, sometimes I'll walk away after its over and won't be able to remember if I looked them in the eye or not. I'll try to remember their eye color and can't. Then I start wondering -- if I didn't look them in the eye as we spoke, was I looking all shifty as I talked with them? And then I start asking myself why that person made me nervous or uncomfortable. And then I see that it wasn't them, it was just me - I create the experience of anxiety or nervousness, not them. And then I realize that no matter how much I think I've evolved I still experience that old shyness at some level. And then I kick my own ass for a bit cause I think "I should be over this by now". And then I remind myself that I don't need to do that. And then I forgive myself for being less than perfect.

And THEN I'll realize I've been muttering to myself in this self-conscious reverie and have no memory of the preceding 20 minutes. It's really scary when I come to this realization while behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.

[theCryptofishist]

I'll have you know that I know the eye color of everybody I've run over.

[Savannah]

Fishy.

Peaceful Human, you might like this book:

Faking It, by William Ian Miller.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0521613701/

It's on the nature of social masks, self-consciousness and "civilized" behavior. Incredibly convoluted and sometimes exasperating, but not dry, boring, or pretentious (at least in my opinion). Really, really interesting. I didn't agree with all of it, but that's not why I read it. My local library had a copy . . . yours might.

[Shambala]

my anti shyness tip? remember all these people arent your neighbours in defaultia if you do make anarse of yourself they arent around to tell people next week.

That's all great until you run into someone you know while you're dressing in a chicken suit---or much less!

Last year I ran into my bother's kid and his finance' on the naked bike ride. It was not as awkward as one would have thought.

[Nymue]

my anti shyness tip? remember all these people arent your neighbours in defaultia if you do make anarse of yourself they arent around to tell people next week.

That's all great until you run into someone you know while you're dressing in a chicken suit---or much less!

Last year I ran into my bother's kid and his finance' on the naked bike ride. It was not as awkward as one would have thought.

I'm actually wondering if this is going to happen to me. At work we have a shared intranet site for my group where we all post our vacation days, etc. And when I posted up my days that I'm going to be gone for Burning Man, I saw that one of my managers out in CA is taking vacation at pretty much the same time. I wonder if she and I are going to the same place.... that would be interesting!!

[peacefulhuman]

Peaceful Human, you might like this book:
Faking It, by William Ian Miller.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0521613701/

Thanks, Savannah, for the book recommendation! I checked out the amazon link, and I don't know if it was the font used for the title, or if it was the amount of skin shown on the photo, but when I saw the cover, my mind read it as "Fuking It". I thought, "I doubt my local library would have such a book!"

Sounds like a cool read -- thank you!
Terry

[crstophr]

[quote="Nymue"][quote="Shambala"][quote="graidawg"]my anti shyness tip? remember all these people arent your neighbours in defaultia if you do make anarse of yourself they arent around to tell people next week.[/quote]
That's all great until you run into someone you know while you're dressing in a chicken suit---or much less!

Last year I ran into my bother's kid and his finance' on the naked bike ride. It was not as awkward as one would have thought.[/quote]

I'm actually wondering if this is going to happen to me. At work we have a shared intranet site for my group where we all post our vacation days, etc. And when I posted up my days that I'm going to be gone for Burning Man, I saw that one of my managers out in CA is taking vacation at pretty much the same time. I wonder if she and I are going to the same place.... that would be interesting!![/quote]

I used to manage a person who is also a burner. We had a great time hanging out at BM a couple of nights and it didn't change anything about the job environment for either of us. If it's not their first time year it's safe to assume they're fully prepared for anything they're going to see. Don't change your behavior because you might run into them. The odds are you won't see them at all unless you both work at meeting up. There's just too many people and at night you can't recognize a face unless someone is really close to you.

[The CO]

That's all great until you run into someone you know while you're dressing in a chicken suit---or much less!

Where is Big Cock these days?

[LanceThruster]

Super advice, Brody. I find I encounter a lot of "happy accidents" when I just go with the flow.

[Ugly Dougly]

Speaking of masks, if you have a problem, with shyness, try wearing a costume or disguise, assume an alter ego!

[graidawg]

i kind of want to turn up icnognito now, i just dont feel up to who people seem to think i am. i feel that people have expectactions of me, is that arrogant? sorry sad lonely person doubts because ive spent a lot more effort here than i have on doing the bm thing. just im worried i have done something i may regret

[Ugly Dougly]

i kind of want to turn up icnognito now, i just dont feel up to who people seem to think i am. i feel that people have expectactions of me, is that arrogant? sorry sad lonely person doubts because ive spent a lot more effort here than i have on doing the bm thing. just im worried i have done something i may regret

When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.

Work on letting it go, and in time you will rejoice.
- UD's fortune cookie

[Savannah]

i kind of want to turn up icnognito now, i just dont feel up to who people seem to think i am. i feel that people have expectactions of me, is that arrogant? sorry sad lonely person doubts because ive spent a lot more effort here than i have on doing the bm thing. just im worried i have done something i may regret

If it's any comfort, I don't have expectations of you, other than general friendliness, and more punctuation in person than in here. And an accent!

No one is really real or whole until you meet 'em, so I try not to build people up in my head (and I hope no one's doing that to me).

[Ugly Dougly]

True, a British accent will help get you out of many a tight jam.
And hopefully into one or two as well.

[BBadger]

i just dont feel up to who people seem to think i am.

You really mean:

"i just dont feel up to who I think I am to other people."

No, we don't have a reference to base who you are on the playa. Chances are, you won't even know you've encountered anyone you've met here anyway. Be yourself. It's like lying: it's a lot easier to tell the truth; it's a lot easier to be yourself.

[graidawg]

ah i was feeling all paniccy i am sure its a common thing when you realise you are definately going. i guess if i'm not up to expectations, people can just get on there knees and "suck it"

[MyDearFriend]

Grai, not to dismiss your deeply-held feelings or anything, but, you are fucking hilarious.

BBadger, thanks for slicing through to the truth.

And, sorry Savannah:

No one is really real or whole until you meet 'em, so I try not to build people up in my head (and I hope no one's doing that to me).

I have already decided that you are a Goddess.

[graidawg]

Grai, not to dismiss your deeply-held feelings or anything, but, you are fucking hilarious.

BBadger, thanks for slicing through to the truth.

And, sorry Savannah:

No one is really real or whole until you meet 'em, so I try not to build people up in my head (and I hope no one's doing that to me).

I have already decided that you are a Goddess.

i concur! i have always thought sav to be a goddess nice among the many of the playa.

[zanek]

I love this thread. I'm a 8 yr burner, still some what young (33 male), and I've had a couple years at Burning Man where I've felt so lonely and unconnected to people I thought about going home early. The toughest part for me is the icebreaker so I can actually start a conversation. I think because in my everyday life I am so isolated (working from home writing software by myself for 9 hrs a day) until my gf comes home, its very tough for me to switch into the extrovert I use to be.

Then when I go to Burning Man, its hard to be myself I think mostly because I wonder if people will judge me, what do we have in common, what should I talk to them about, etc.

Sometimes though, I see how foolish all these self-imposed barriers are when I meet someone and we start talking and its as if they have been my friend for 20 years. I'm going to try the specific compliments, and other questions people suggested (and listening alot) this year, since its probably my last year going to BM for a while. I want to have the maximum amount of fun possible.

Also, am I the only one that feels weird when dancing ? Its like, why am I moving my body like this. Haha, I dont think I've danced in public in like 7 yrs because it feels so weird to me. I do want to try it this year though

All the shy people should come hangout with me at camp Fandango

[FIGJAM]

[SODOMIZER]

1. Be naked.

[EB]

Echoing an earlier sentiment --

Volunteering at, say, lamplighters or the Coffeehouse or Greeters, is a GREAT way to lose the butterflies because you're DOING something.

[poplopo]

I'm printing this post out and taking it with me to the playa for reference. Thank you so much.

[BBadger]

I'm printing this post out and taking it with me to the playa for reference. Thank you so much.

That'll be funny seeing people holding up the posts as a "script" and following the directions, especially the "dance moves."

[Savannah]

I'm printing this post out and taking it with me to the playa for reference. Thank you so much.

That'll be funny seeing people holding up the posts as a "script" and following the directions, especially the "dance moves."

Anyone who has any doubt as to the necessity of the hips and ass for dancing need only watch the rehearsal clips for Dancing with the Stars. It seems to be the number one difficulty with male Americans new to dancing--learning to free up the hips.

"Did you do any . . . experimentation out there?"
"I . . . salsa'd."