Tips for Shy People at Burning Man

[graidawg]

hey 420 and lazerfox, I was actually camping with barbie death camp and usually it was busy enough to hide even th most determined of shy thoughts from me. Not on that occasion though. in'12 though i nitend to have a lisst of things to do and places to go so if i find myself isolated i can get out the book find what appeals (or is closest) and off i go. Bu5t dammit if you guys want to go adventuring i will make a note of where you are and come get you for some random excitment!
one of the things i am going to do i think is a list of thuings i must do, and make sure i acheive half (from get to the human carcasss wash while its open to share a drink with a random (not random thats different story)

[MyDearFriend]

OK now I think I can reveal that I spent Burn Night alone too. I waited for Grai to show up where he said he would but *cough* nope, he forgot me so after an hour-plus I headed in towards the flames while the crowd was pouring away to the parties... and yeah that mosh-pit of naked folk rolling widdershins around the blaze was really awesome.



Please don't ask me about the place I got run out of later or the pseudo-spiritualist who chatted me up at the Dusty Swan...

I had fun though.

I saw the guy with the TV coat showing Simpsons cartoons! And it really works!!!

I think the four of us should plan to meet for Burn Night 2012 so I can wait alone again and make it a Tradition.

[lazerfox]

I only agree to meet if there are landmarks/times agreed upon. I met people at camps, at events or by art fixtures. And I hunted some down when needed

So if we plan to meet for the Burn MDF, we WILL meet for the burn.
Unless of course you avoid me....then I will be powerless

[Simon of the Playa]

quick hint.

i am one of you as well.

if you met me in defaultia, you may think i was a mute.

i think shyness is a response to not feeling comfortable, as much as "Getting out of your comfort zone" is touted, i think you need to feel good in your own skin in order to come out from behind it.

i've been going to BM for many many years, each year, i am able to bring back more and more of that "playa feeling" to wherever it is im going, and become more at ease with my own self.

"the playa" is the one week a year that love surrounds you, no one judges, you are free to be you. The Liberation from the shackles of social constraint are the sweetest jangling sound i know, try to remember that unheard beat, while you're out and about in the surreal world. Try to be as unafraid, and open in your conversations....it's hard as hell, i know...thats why i keep coming back again and again and again...to learn how to take this wherever i go.

i burn every day, or at least i try to, now you do too. Don't sweat the little shit, i've spent burn night alone a few times.

and besides, i heard that next year was better...

[MyDearFriend]

I only agree to meet if there are landmarks/times agreed upon. I met people at camps, at events or by art fixtures. And I hunted some down when needed

So if we plan to meet for the Burn MDF, we WILL meet for the burn.
Unless of course you avoid me....then I will be powerless

(((LZF))) If I say I will do a thing, then I do it. Always. Or break my heart trying. And I would never avoid you.

I had a really great view of the Burn from the Esplanade at 6:00, and there was hardly anyone there. The Man raised His arms in surrender to me.

Let's meet there. All you other shy people are welcome to join us; you won't need to speak if you don't want to.

[lucky420]

Simon, thank you so much for your words of wisdom and the reminder to "be unafraid and open in your conversations", lovely. Doing a lot of stuff on my own was really good for me. I do feel that I brought more of that "playa feeling" back to my regular life. I hope to keep it for as long as I can. If it starts to fade, I know it won't be long before I will be heading back to BRC for a reminder....

but...next year on burn night? I want to party with some of you fuckers (awesome people)

[FIGJAM]

Esplanader and 6 it is!!!

[Drawingablank]

quick hint.

i am one of you as well.

if you met me in defaultia, you may think i was a mute.

i think shyness is a response to not feeling comfortable, as much as "Getting out of your comfort zone" is touted, i think you need to feel good in your own skin in order to come out from behind it.

i've been going to BM for many many years, each year, i am able to bring back more and more of that "playa feeling" to wherever it is im going, and become more at ease with my own self.

"the playa" is the one week a year that love surrounds you, no one judges, you are free to be you. The Liberation from the shackles of social constraint are the sweetest jangling sound i know, try to remember that unheard beat, while you're out and about in the surreal world. Try to be as unafraid, and open in your conversations....it's hard as hell, i know...thats why i keep coming back again and again and again...to learn how to take this wherever i go.

i burn every day, or at least i try to, now you do too. Don't sweat the little shit, i've spent burn night alone a few times.

and besides, i heard that next year was better...

+1000

[lazerfox]

Esplanader and 6 it is!!!

If I get to go that is where we shall meet. And the spot were we watched the burn from was great and not too packed with people so I can lead us all there

[twardry1]

I know I'm a little late on the draw, but I really appreciate this topic!!! I remember my first burn...I had seen a homemade film with some of the art from the playa in it and I was really intrigued by it...there was a bust of a man in various stages of a swimming stroke and when each one passed by the light it looked as if he was swimming in the ground and stuff like that...a few months later I overheard some people in my class talking about and I started asking questions and within the hour I was scouring Craigslist for a ticket and within three days I was on my way home!!! My mind was completely blown! There was SO MUCH happening. Everywhere I looked people seemed so....free and at ease. Meanwhile, I felt like I was paralyzed. A contingent of the camp I was staying at were SUPER COOL. All dressed up in their desert fashions (which I've come to recognize as the BM style), waaayyyy "nonchalant" and exclusive (unless you were a woman or had party favors to share). It takes me awhile to warm up and didn't know the people I came with so well so I spent a lot of time wandering, trying to take it all in and not freak out. Finally, on day t3 I stopped at an advice booth and just as I was getting the words "What's happening to me out..." I broke down and started crying!!! And it was so funny to see the guy's face, he was looking at me like I had thrown up all over myself and was rushing in to give him a hug. So then I started laughing really hard, I felt embarrassed, thoroughly amused and great relief all at the same time. So I thanked him, gifted him a sticker and got the f*ck outta there! Once the wall cracked I was able to talk and let go and as I result I had an INCREDIBLE time! The best part of it then and all 6 times since then are those connections that I make with people. Just those in moment, happen to be walking by "how's it going today moment?". Since that first time, every year I try to open up a little more( haven't gotten naked yet, but that's okay!). I've found that when I go do things I enjoy (like contact dancing, or meditating, making jewelry) I automatically have something in common with the other people doing it, so I stop thinking about myself. And my my experience of the burns changed dramatically after I started to volunteer, like Moop Nazi said. And if all else fails a simple "...how's it going?" and a genuine listen always gets me out of head. Thanks for the memories!

[graidawg]

oh my! It seems being alone when the man burns isnt that uncommon. I didn't avoid contact or not try to find people i knew just look in the wrong place. Well next year i now know where to look if i find i am alone and dont want to be!
Simon thanks, you expressed the thing that most effeected me at BM how i wanted people there to be like it in defaultia and how I can bring some of it back instead of launching a stream of drivel into the ether and hoping someone will react to it but listening to other peoples drivel and reacting to that. I spend so much of my time alone i have got used to it, but there are people out here to socialise with just as there at BRC. If i can remember that then I think i will have to change what iam used to.

[Foxfur]

What's even better was we (no, I) got to meet one of the most amazing people I ever met on the playa. Sure, I meet a lot of amazing people on playa, but meeting you, FF, was over the top!!! And I can't really see you as shy... maybe a little withdrawn, but that's why we love having you drawn and quartered, er, drawn out!

(And hell, you ad your classy legwear started a new fashion trend while you were there... --giggles-- )

You mean the people clinging to and humping my legs as I tried to walk?
Seriously though, I don't remember wearing anything on my legs.

Yeah, I guess withdrawn would be a much better description for me. Once I get started, folks sometimes want to put a trashbag over my head to suffocate me down to a more manageable level...
Or maybe it's because "Yay!" just sounds neater when muffled by 20 mils of polyethylene.

[tamarakay]

Someone earlier posted about being nervous about invading space, being uncomfortable going into a camp to interact. I can SO relate to that. As two newbies it was hard to know which domes were "open" and which were someone's house. Several people told us that Ken looked like a cop, so I guess that could explain why a lot of camps just looked at us like we were from another planet or something lol. Plus plonking our cups on the bar asking if they had anything without alcohol probably made us look more like cops. Anyway, I had a hard time on the streets. I'm usually not shy at all but seemed to be all thumbs socially. This really made me sad, and the more I kept hearing how wonderfully open and welcoming people were the more I wondered what was wrong with me? Anyway, enough pity party. It sounds like I didn't have a fun, and that's not true, this was a life changing event to both ken and I and I won't ever willingly miss another burn. I don't know, maybe i'll hire a tour guide or an ice-breaker next time lol

We did better when we were out about with the art. We could both be more playful and open out around the sculptures. The only other time I really had that connection was painting boobies at camp and then again at the meet and greet. At the m&g I thought, ok, THIS is what i needed. I had so much fun seeing everyone with all the laughter and hugs.

[Shambala]

In 2008, everyone was sure I was a cop. My art car was pegged as an undercover vehicle. My t-shirt and baseball hat didn't help either. Yes, Ken did look a tad copish, but we all knew that he was just a civilian like the rest of us.
Now I work very hard not to give off any cop vibes. I hope it's working.

[Elorrum]

where was Burning Man wing man camp anyway?

I walked into a bar, and it was like a scene from a sci fi western or something. everyone dusty and in black leather. nobody smiled. I walked to the furthest wall, turned around, surveyed the scene, counted to ten, and walked out. alright, I tried it. I had more fun standing around crazy art and talking there. It was for me, easier to comment on something tangible right there, than to be in a bar, go through the motions of not drinking, starting small talk around what? I can't remember how it's done.

What I really like, and would love to take page out of that book: sitting in the shade along a road, somebody rides by, stops their bike, comments on the camp, takes a chair in the shade, shares a bit of small talk, maybe some schwag, a snack, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, hale fellow well met, and off they go. It's easy to be on the sitting there first side of that and enjoying it... now to make the jump to the other side of the interaction. I've had people, say, "whew, you folks look comfortable here in the shade, may I sit for a minute?" and we all say, "sure, take a load off, want a cool drink?" can I be the person who asks? maybe maybe... keep it in mind.

[theCryptofishist]

Please don't be hard on yourself, Tamarkay. It's the first time out in an intense environment where many of the rules have changed. If that's not difficult, then maybe there's something wrong with you.

[MyDearFriend]

Please don't be hard on yourself, Tamarkay. It's the first time out in an intense environment where many of the rules have changed. If that's not difficult, then maybe there's something wrong with you.

Oh, YAY, thank you for this!

(((Fishy)))

[Foxfur]

In 2008, everyone was sure I was a cop. My art car was pegged as an undercover vehicle. My t-shirt and baseball hat didn't help either. Yes, Ken did look a tad copish, but we all knew that he was just a civilian like the rest of us.
Now I work very hard not to give off any cop vibes. I hope it's working.

I didn't have any problems...

Not A Cop.jpg

[jkisha]

WOW Sure had me fooled!

Someone earlier posted about being nervous about invading space, being uncomfortable going into a camp to interact. I can SO relate to that. As two newbies it was hard to know which domes were "open" and which were someone's house. Several people told us that Ken looked like a cop, so I guess that could explain why a lot of camps just looked at us like we were from another planet or something lol. Plus plonking our cups on the bar asking if they had anything without alcohol probably made us look more like cops. Anyway, I had a hard time on the streets. I'm usually not shy at all but seemed to be all thumbs socially. This really made me sad, and the more I kept hearing how wonderfully open and welcoming people were the more I wondered what was wrong with me? Anyway, enough pity party. It sounds like I didn't have a fun, and that's not true, this was a life changing event to both ken and I and I won't ever willingly miss another burn. I don't know, maybe i'll hire a tour guide or an ice-breaker next time lol

We did better when we were out about with the art. We could both be more playful and open out around the sculptures. The only other time I really had that connection was painting boobies at camp and then again at the meet and greet. At the m&g I thought, ok, THIS is what i needed. I had so much fun seeing everyone with all the laughter and hugs.

[Trishntek]

Please don't be hard on yourself, Tamarkay. It's the first time out in an intense environment where many of the rules have changed. If that's not difficult, then maybe there's something wrong with you.

There must be something wrong with me,,,,,

[graidawg]

Please don't be hard on yourself, Tamarkay. It's the first time out in an intense environment where many of the rules have changed. If that's not difficult, then maybe there's something wrong with you.

There must be something wrong with me,,,,,

if there is i want the same problem

[theCryptofishist]

I said "maybe" not "must".

[Trishntek]

I said "maybe" not "must".

PHEWWWWwwwwwwww!

[tamarakay]

Please don't be hard on yourself, Tamarkay. It's the first time out in an intense environment where many of the rules have changed. If that's not difficult, then maybe there's something wrong with you.

There must be something wrong with me,,,,,

well, it wasn't your first time there either lol, but you are easy to flirt with that's for sure. Oh, by the way, what a nice butt you have.

jKisha, it was different going to your camp. Mudskipper's public area was very public and obviously public, and you were so gracious and welcoming. Visiting with you at your camp, and visiting with Goathead at his, were two highlights of our time there.

[Isotopia]

My personal tip for shy people: 1/2 bottle of Maker's Mark and (2) 150 mg tabs of timed release Jackass(TM).

[Ugly Dougly]

Try being an asshole. Most shy people are too fucking nice.

[bigdane]

Smile. Seriously. Shy people are sometimes seen as angry, aloof, haughty, unfriendly, you name it. Pretend you’re outgoing. Yeah, it’s terrifying. Do it anyway. Burning Man is a good place to practice looking friendly. Smile at everyone until your face hurts. Then take some ibuprofen and smile some more.

brilliant brody...most people will immediately respond favorably to a smile. And my experience has been that afterward conversation develops almost on its own...especially in an evironment of "like-minded" people. I'm a huge fan of the ...fake it till ya make it philosophy...

thanks for ALL the great tips!!

[AntiM]

I once met a man who would quietly ask someone else's name, then proclaim loudly how great it was to see them, and hug them like a long lost brother. Remarkably effective after the initial confusion wore off.

[Dr. Pyro]

Also an excellent way to pick someone's pocket. Or so I've been told.

[Ugly Dougly]

Smile. Seriously. Shy people are sometimes seen as angry, aloof, haughty, unfriendly, you name it. Pretend you’re outgoing. Yeah, it’s terrifying. Do it anyway. Burning Man is a good place to practice looking friendly. Smile at everyone until your face hurts. Then take some ibuprofen and smile some more.

brilliant brody...most people will immediately respond favorably to a smile. And my experience has been that afterward conversation develops almost on its own...especially in an evironment of "like-minded" people. I'm a huge fan of the ...fake it till ya make it philosophy...

thanks for ALL the great tips!!

See? Everyone responds to that.