How to approach an asshole

[remi]

Hey. I just had a quick question. One of my best friends (Sean,) and his girlfriend were going to come to Burning Man with me this year, but since they've received their ticket confirmation they found out their sister is having a wedding in New Zealand.. so they are unable to go. I told this to one of our common friends (Ben) who happens to be looking for a ticket, and when Ben approached Sean to get this extra ticket, Sean mentioned he was looking to sell them as a pair for 1,300$.

Obviously I'm not too cool with that, and Ben wasn't either, but since this is our really good friend, how do we tell him what he's doing is pretty uncool. I know a bunch of people on this forum will give me asshole remarks, and that's fine, but i'm not going to confront my buddy in a negative way, so if that's your plan, your just wasting time.

How do I confront a really good friend about this? If he still wants to sell them for a premium after I talk to him, should I give his info to BMOrg ticket people so they can pull his tickets?

Any bright idea's from a bunch of bright people?

Thanks.

[Simon of the Playa]

he has every right to scalp them.


you have every right to spray all of his toilet paper with itching powder and shit in his jar of Nutella.

[Shambala]

[ygmir]

tell him to read this board, just to find who's selling, and for how much......maybe even send him a link, to a thread you know contains a lot of discussion about selling at "face value".

[junglesmacks]

..or just send him a link to this thread.

[AntiM]

How would you feel if you turned him in? Could you tell him you're ready to do that because he's now become a scalper? Is the price of this friendship more than face value?

[SquirrelHead]

I would sit him down and talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel and why you think that scalping at a higher value isn't the right thing to do. I predict he is trying to use the tickets to pay for his trip to New Zealand so he may not still want to scalp them for a high cost. At that point you have to decide what you want to do. Do you turn him over to BMORG or let him scalp them for profit? Will he drop you as a friend if you turn him in? Is that an acceptable risk? If you decide to turn him in I would suggest having an email discussion with him about scalping them to turn over to BMORG as proof. At least he will get back what he paid for them if they pull his tickets. How good of a friend is he really if he was asking such a high price for the tickets to a buddy?

Also, always approach an asshole from the rear.

[ygmir]

and, if someone here, asked, and you sent his info via PM, and they turned him in, you might have "plausible deniability"

[cheese_crackers]

This sounds like it's going to be a sucky conversation any way to slice it. I'm with Squirrelhead on this one.

[wh..sh]

At this point, I think Ben should deal with Sean. One-on-one.
He has every right to tell Sean to quit scalping and that he will absolutelyfuckingnot pay the price Sean is looking for.

If I were you, I would be supportive of Ben. Would I get directly involved between Ben and Sean? Probably not at this point.
Let Ben do the talking first. See how Sean reacts. I would take every step to make sure Sean is really an asshole before I confront him or turn him in (since he a friend and all).

[remi]

"plausible deniability"

I like the sound of that! I just didn't think he was that type of guy. I guess i'll have to sit him down and explain why I think he should either sell them for face value or send them back through step. With so many other people scalping these tickets, it's hard to convince someone to just sell something below market value.

Ben and Sean aren't super tight buddies.. they actually met through me. Ben told me about this last night and had no idea what to do. He didn't know how to approach Sean after he was told "1,300$ for both tickets." I think Ben is just going to look elsewhere, but I think as Sean's good friend, and a new member of the Burning Man community.. I have a duty to tell him what he is doing is wrong.

How do I start that conversation though. I pictured it starting like this:
"Hey Sean.. I heard you were trying to sell your Burning Man tickets for 1,300$. Although I'm sure you could easily do that, the ethics behind Burning Man suggest that you...."

But I'm usually pretty bad at getting my point across... so I'm a little worried it'll sound like this:
"Listen here you cheap little mother fucker... "

EDIT: P.s.. thanks for all the help guys.. I appreciate it.

[theCryptofishist]

Tell him STEP, or your mutual buddy, is a sure thing--and scalping means he'll be dealing with dodgy people.

[catinthefunnyhat]

They say you should approach an asshole with lots of lube and gentle pressure, always communicating your intent. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

But seriously, I think you're on the right track. Maybe don't mention right off that you heard that he, specifically, was looking for $1300, just say that you know that he's planning to sell his tickets that you understand he might be tempted to profit from it. Then tell/remind him of the BMORG's policy on scalping and explain to him how scalping hurts the community and devalues the event. There are many threads in here on scalping, so you can show him (or quote to him from) those, without showing him this thread (which might hurt his feelings and/or undermine your plausible deniability, should it come to that). And buying him a beer wouldn't hurt

[theCryptofishist]

And then there's Sean's girlfriend, who may be motivating this whole thing. Or maybe not. But I bet she has opinions.
And it can't be Sean's and his girlfriend's sister who's getting married.

At least we hope not.

[wh..sh]

And it can't be Sean's and his girlfriend's sister who's getting married.

At least we hope not.

*snickers*

There is always the "invent an imaginary friend, call Sean, and curse the imaginary friend for scalping" approach.

[illy dilly]

Obviously I'm not too cool with that, and Ben wasn't either, but since this is our really good friend, how do we tell him what he's doing is pretty uncool.

Remi, I'm really sorry to hear about your plight. I know your pain, we went through a similar deal last year.
I bought 2 tickets and my girlfriend bought 2 tickets. I sold each of my two tickets to 2 of our friends. Later on, when one of the friends couldn't go (after the sell out), I asked to buy it back from her. She asked me to pay her 600 for a ticket that I sold her face value at 280. I told her that shit is a stupid cut throat bitch. We have not spoken since.
It was on my Credit Card, and under my name and email address, I thought long and hard about canceling my whole order. But sadly, I couldn't cancel my order and leave my other true friend ticketless, that late into summer. Last I hear, she sold it to a fellow I've met but barely know for around 400-ish. My other fear was that if I canceled the ticket, she would still sell it, and some unknowing burner would get to gate, and not be allowed in.

My thought is, if the person is going to try to make money off their close friends, then screw them! They aren't actually friends. Or if they would rather sell it to a stranger and make money, while leaving a friend with out a ticket, Fuck them!
It has nothing to do with it being Burning Man, it could be a car show, Disney land, Snoop Dog, or what ever.
Good friends don't profit off friends!

EDIT: After rereading this, I realize its sort of a rant. But, I stand behind "friend don't profit from friends. No matter what the scenario"

[illy dilly]

Ben and Sean aren't super tight buddies.. they actually met through me. Ben told me about this last night and had no idea what to do. He didn't know how to approach Sean after he was told "1,300$ for both tickets." I think Ben is just going to look elsewhere, but I think as Sean's good friend, and a new member of the Burning Man community.. I have a duty to tell him what he is doing is wrong.

What if you asked him your self how much he was selling them for?
Might have to lie a little,
"Hey a couple of my camp mates from last years burn are short tickets. You're selling yours right? Can I buy them from you?"

[FIGJAM]

Is Sean a burgin? If he is ,then maybe he does'nt understand.

If he's not, It becomes a capital crime and he deserves whatever happens to him.

Dont bring up his ticket at all!

Don't speak from your personal point of view!

Next time you see him, start going on and on about how the "Burner Community" in up in arms about scalpers this year and that people getting turned in are loosing their tickets.

Then watch his responces.

Now you can chose a course of action.

I would'nt hesitate to report him, it would be my responcibility.

And don't feel guilty.

He has to pay the price for his underhanded choices.

[lucky420]

i would go with Illy's last suggestion. Then if Sean tells you $1300 you can either gently or not so gently tell him he's being a poon...

[jkisha]

But if he doesn't sell them for $1,300.00 how will he be able to afford his tickets to his sister's wedding in New Zealand?

[theCryptofishist]

Skype...

(destination weddings are so strange to me. Of course I don't know that said sister isn't marrying a man from New Zealand...)

[ApolloPan]

he has every right to scalp them.


you have every right to spray all of his toilet paper with itching powder and shit in his jar of Nutella.

I...I love you!

[remi]

Sorry, I don't know how to quote more then one post at a time.

Fish: It's Seans' gf's sisters wedding.. however, Sean and his gf have been dating a long time. They own a house together. I can see her being the one pushing to make some extra coin off it.. but he's kinda cheap too. They make enough money that the extra +/-600$ wouldn't make or break there trip.

Figjam: Sean is a burgin.. but so am I... that's no excuse. I really like your approach though. I think it's a great idea to sit around the volcano and chat about burning man this year and casually bring up that fact... see where it goes.

Illy: That's a shitty thing for a friend to do.. especially after you sold it to them for face value! If I were you, I would have cancelled the order and told them about the cancellation..hoping they wouldn't still try to sell it. If that happened to me (well, it's happening around me,) I would be like "Does Wayne Brady need to choke a bitch!?" Thanks for my quote of the week: "friend don't profit from friends. No matter what the scenario".

I'll try to have this resolved by the end of the weekend and I'll keep you all posted. Thanks again for all the input.

[VampireKitten]

Simon's idea gets my vote and this person is obviously not a good friend if he's trying to charge you that much.

[Dr. Pyro]

Are those in New Zealand dollars or American dollars? Just trying to find the bright side to this fustercluck.

[Roberto Dobbisano]

[BBadger]

Hey. I just had a quick question. One of my best friends (Sean,) and his girlfriend were going to come to Burning Man with me this year, but since they've received their ticket confirmation they found out their sister is having a wedding in New Zealand.. so they are unable to go. I told this to one of our common friends (Ben) who happens to be looking for a ticket, and when Ben approached Sean to get this extra ticket, Sean mentioned he was looking to sell them as a pair for 1,300$.

First of all, is Sean aware of your feelings on this? Some people are just not aware of these things, and even if they are, aren't aware that it is an important issue to you or others. You've gotta give him the benefit of the doubt on this one, but also it's your responsibility to convey your feelings on this matter to Sean. Hopefully you (and Ben) can then shame him into not being the "asshole."

In the end, money is the worst thing to come between friends, especially when there is profit involved.

But if he doesn't sell them for $1,300.00 how will he be able to afford his tickets to his sister's wedding in New Zealand?

He shouldn't go! I've always felt that people who choose to host their weddings in super inconvenient, exotic places like New Zealand or Hawaii (like my cousin) or wherever really don't deserve to have anybody attending those weddings because of the huge burden they place on everyone else. They can have a separate reception locally if they want to do that.

[jkisha]

He shouldn't go! I've always felt that people who choose to host their weddings in super inconvenient, exotic places like New Zealand or Hawaii (like my cousin) or wherever really don't deserve to have anybody attending those weddings because of the huge burden they place on everyone else. They can have a separate reception locally if they want to do that.

you need to be making a whole lot more money

[Dr Helix]

Not your fight. How you feel is secondary. Are you his moral compass? No. You don't like it? Fine. Should you talk about it? Sure. But ultimately, this is his decision on how he wants to handle it. Stay away from judging his actions and just be his friend, unless you feel this situation can't allow you to be that way any more. That's just one man's opinion. I know its shitty what he is doing. But ask yourself this; would you care as much if he ends up selling them to someone you don't know?

[theCryptofishist]

But ask yourself this; would you care as much if he ends up selling them to someone you don't know?

I dunno, Helix, the issue there is that the unknown person who buys then becomes the the "shining" example of "frat boy, plug and play" burner.