The Jaded Fuck Guide to Getting a Burning Man Ticket

[capjbadger]

The Jaded Fuck Guide to Getting a Burning Man Ticket
by @SFSlim
https://plus.google.com/102643227261215958076/posts/EKpSmtUN1iF#102643227261215958076/posts/EKpSmtUN1iF

So Burning Man sold out, and now a lot of perfectly wonderful and deserving beings who would otherwise have taken part in the pansexual polyamorous participatory panorama of Black Rock City 2011 aren’t going to be able to come. Cue gnashing of tweets and premature inhalation of whippits.

BUT FEAR NOT.

While the situation is challenging, there are yet avenues by which an aspiring burner may pass through the eye of the needle. (The needle, in this case, being the BRC Gate, Perimeter & Exodus crew.) Successfully acquiring a ticket will require a combination of perspective, persistence, personality and luck.

Before I talk about specific approaches, let’s take a moment to talk about the different kinds of Burning Man tickets. (Yes, there are more than one.)

You can obtain a ticket to Burning Man in one of seven ways:

• Outright purchase. The most common approach. Done online, by mail, or at the gate. Ticket sales for 2011 have been discontinued. This option is no longer available.

• Low-income ticket program. Each year a number of discounted tickets are made available to people with special financial needs. This program is documented on the Burning Man website, and the application deadline for it is almost certainly long past.

• Locals-only tickets. For many years Burning Man has offered discount tickets to the residents of neighboring towns like Nixon, Gerlach and the local Indian tribes. I've no idea how this program works, but if you wind up buying a house in Empire just to get a Burning Man ticket, be sure to let me know how that works out for you.

• Gift tickets (honorarium artists). Artists whose pieces were awarded an honorarium (aka a Burning Man art grant) are typically allotted a small amount of free tickets for their core team. The size of this allotment is limited, and there is a deadline for requesting these tickets. Artists are strongly discouraged from abusing this program, and many of them elect to opt-out of it, choosing instead to purchase artist-rate tickets.

• Artist-rate tickets. These are discounted tickets that are made available to some of the artists who are bringing pieces to Burning Man. (I say "some" because it's been a while since I directly interacted with this program, and I no longer know how broad or accessible it is.)

• Gift tickets (employees/volunteers). These tickets are made available to some of the people who work or volunteer for the Burning Man organization before, during or after the event. Not every volunteer receives a gift ticket, and even for positions that typically do receive tickets, it is common practice to require at least one year of service prior to being eligible for a gift ticket. For example, by volunteering two years in a row, you would receive a gift ticket in your second year.

• Friend of Larry golden ticket. This is a special kind of pass, of which only 5 have ever been issued. You know if you have one. (You also know the accompanying secret handshake, and the GPS coordinates of the buried 1997 cashbox.) I could tell you how to obtain this ticket, but then Danger Ranger would have to kill me.

Note that the names I’ve used to refer to these categories are my own, and may not correspond with what these classes of tickets are currently called. It’s been a long time since I’ve paid close attention to such things, and the event has no doubt since evolved its own Byzantine taxonomies to confuse, codify and obfuscate the already Kafkaesque ticketing process far beyond the realm of mortal comprehension.

REGARDLESS.

In trying to understand what all the fuss about tickets is, it may help you to understand two things.

1) Working with Burning Man, The BLM (Bureau of Land Management) has established limits on the size of the event. These limits are gradually increasing on a specific timeline, and it is crucial for the future of the event that Burning Man do their part to adhere to this mutually agreed upon schedule. (No BLM permit = no Burning Man.) Yes Magellan, there’s still lots of space left in the desert. And no, that has nothing to do with this decision.

2) Every Burning Man ticket, whether with a face price or not (i.e. a gift ticket), represents an expense to the event. That is to say, with every ticket they issue, the event incurs a complex set of actual costs. (I don’t know the actual amount, but I’ve heard it’s around $90. This is probably all available online somewhere, if anyone really cared to look -- the point is, tickets costs BMORG money. Real money.) This includes insurance, BLM permitting fees, payments made to local tribes, law enforcement fees (not only is the event required to maintain a certain ratio of LEO's to participants, but they must also pay those LEO's wages) and so forth. These expenses have only increased over the years, and many are not immediately obvious or understandable, especially to those who are not intimately involved in the production of the event. Due to this, the event is extremely careful about distributing free and low-cost tickets. In fact, when viewed in the light of the real expenses that every ticket represents, the abundance of low-cost and gift ticket options the organization offers every year is quite remarkable.

So what does all this mean to you?

Perhaps the most important thing to understand is that, while many people who are deeply involved with Burning Man do receive free or discounted tickets, there is a strongly-held cultural bias against ever expecting those tickets. The reasons behind this are many, but perhaps the most important perception you need to understand is this:

People should contribute to Burning Man because they want to, because it's the right thing to do, because they want to give something back to the community, and NOT because they expect to receive anything in return, least of all a ticket.

Your success in obtaining a ticket to Burning Man 2011 will depend on the extent to which you understand, respect and embody this belief.

Tickets are out there. There are honorarium art projects who still have a few unallocated gift tickets. There are individual burners with extra tickets to sell, or even to give away. (For many years I used to purchase more tickets than I needed and gifted them, often at the last moment, to people who would otherwise have been unable to attend.) There are people who, due to some unexpected change in plans, will find themselves with tickets they are unable to use. There may be a few unfilled volunteer roles that could potentially lead to a ticket. And the event itself still has yet to disburse all of the tickets it has allocated for its employees and volunteers. Don’t give up hope.

So how does one go about acquiring a ticket? Here are some tips:

Keep things in perspective. As much as it may feel that way at times, no one needs a Burning Man ticket; It is merely a desire. Keep that in mind, and adjust your language and expectations accordingly. Seriously. People be getting crazy out there.

No commerce. Burning Man tickets are sold at face value. (Or sometimes, less.) Scalpers do not embody the principles of the event. Don’t patronize them. And don’t insult a Burner by offering them more than face value for a ticket (other than perhaps a modest shipping or PayPal fee) – doing so can often result in them opting to sell the ticket to someone else.

Offer to help. Burning Man works because of community. If you’re part of a community already, you likely already understand this. (Also, you’re probably not likely to be seeking a ticket for very long, because communities take care of their own.) For those of you who are not yet connected with a larger community, the most direct way to bridge that gap is to show up somewhere and offer to help. There’s a massive amount of Burning Man prep work being done right now. Ask around, check online, and find out which groups in your area are in need of assistance. Choose one that appeals to you and reach out to them, either online or in-person. While there are certainly some groups that intentionally choose to limit their participants, the rest will be thrilled by the offer of another highly motivated body.

No blame. To many deeply involved Burners, the idea of not having a ticket by August is difficult to understand. In fact, for some of them, Burning Man has already begun, with members of the DPW having already relocated to Nevada to begin the Herculean task of building Black Rock City. Meanwhile the artists, many of whom have already been working around the clock for weeks, are now making their final, mad push to bring their ambitious visions to some semblance of completion—or to at least get things to a point where they can meet their shipping deadline. For these kinds of people, the idea of not going to Burning Man can at times seem almost theoretical, and the idea of not having obtained a ticket even more so. (Indeed, at this point, some may even relate to the idea of not being able to go to Burning Man as a heady fantasy, a magical land of fairies and leisure time, where art deadlines never come and fence day doesn’t exist.) Needless to say, to people in this state of mind, bitterly complaining about why you didn’t end up with a ticket probably won’t go over very well.

No expectations. If you are perceived to be offering your time, labor or interest simply out of the expectation of receiving a ticket, you almost certainly won’t receive one. Better to abandon your expectations, show up, and start helping. If you kick enough ass, and become an indispensable part of an art project, theme camp or other community or collaboration, many more people will be motivated to help you out.

Tell the world. Having no expectations doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t let others know that you’re without a ticket—people aren’t mind-readers and if you don’t clearly communicate your situation, you’ll never receive the assistance that you’re seeking. You never know where a ticket might be found. Put the word out, but be sure to do so in a positive way, without entitlement. (Also, save the “miracle ticket” bullshit for the next Grateful Dead tour. As the legendary Otto Von Danger once said, succinctly expressing a common burner sentiment, “I’m allergic to hippies. They make me break out in guns.”)

If all else fails. 2011 may not have been the right year for you to go to Burning Man after all. If you still wind up unable to attend, remember that there are other options. Like Balsa Man for example, a humble celebration of tiny ingenuity that has many parallels to Burning Man, and which is now held in dozens of cities around the world. Or you can organize an event of your own (perhaps a Balsa Man regional! See http://www.balsaman.org/ ). Or perhaps you might choose to do nothing at all, instead merely relaxing and reflecting on all the money you’ve saved, all the strife you’ve avoided, and the fact that, in all likelihood, your romantic partner hasn’t left for you for a fursuit-wearing DJ named Starfyre.

Life could be worse.

[Eric]

God I love Slim.

Perspective perspective perspective.

[capjbadger]

God I love Slim.

Perspective perspective perspective.

Yeah Aaron's cool. He was with my group at dickens fair this last year.
He tweeted this and I asked if I could repost it here.

-Badger

[trilobyte]

Slim said it perfectly. Thanks for passing that along, Badger

[capjbadger]

Slim said it perfectly. Thanks for passing that along, Badger

A sticky wouldn't hurt.

-Badger

[capjbadger]

Sweet. Thanks trilobyte. I hope this helps out some of the people looking for tickets.

-Badger

[TheNotoriousNibbles]

On behalf of the jaded, weepy, and or frantic ticketless, thank you for posting this. After 3 days of mudslinging, blaming The Man, and accusing all non-ticketholders of being douchey procrastinating frat boys (which is just poopy, y'all.), it's refreshing and soothing to read something that combines practical info and insight.

I hope to see y'all out there. I'd love to go home and will continue to scour the boards with fingers crossed.

Either way, burn baby burn.

- Nibbles

[erinmarie]

I agree, this is refreshing.
Still, I would love it if two tickets mysteriously fell into my lap.

[Niffi]

Thank you so much for posting this thread! It is much appreciated and I will definitely being sharing

[TheNotoriousNibbles]

HA, Erin. If a third also happens to mysteriously drop, please let me know. I'm offering up cash plus everything from a year of life coaching to a lifetime supply of goldfish crackers.

It's gettin' ugly. (good luck.)

[Killbuck]

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[Killbuck]

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[capjbadger]

Now THAT'S the Killbuck I know and love!

-Badger

[Killbuck]

I shall never let you down!

.

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Wow... Nothing like mitt-porn! I think I just felt my nipples just perk up a little bit under my top...

[Killbuck]

Wait... ah, that's better!!!


.

[capjbadger]

I shall never let you down!

.

I know that image... from the video of "Bass Down Low" by DEV



-Badger

[Killbuck]

SSh! Is shameless pirating! Something we are especially good at.

[FizzyCo]

Thank you, I feel this will come in handy.

[Killbuck]

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[Killbuck]

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[capjbadger]

.

MITTS OF PASSAGE!

Slim and I want those tickets now.

sfslim
@capjbadger MITTS OF PASSAGE! (Also: WANT)

capjbadger
@sfslim hahaha Me too! Maybe we can trade Killbuck some vodka and thumbscrews for one (I know he already has those, but more can't hurt )

[ttoolgirl]

I love love love this post! Many options and lovely descriptions. Thank you for helping me realize my "Radical self-reliance" is a BRC code for take some fucking responsibility for your own destiny bitch! Yeah, maybe my fuzzy sparkle powder blue monster coat can make its appearance elsewhere this year, although I will miss the playa (really? wtf? yes, you gotta go with a crew cause it's what makes it real), and yes maybe 2011 isn't my year again , and no I am not gonna use the lame ass GD "miracle" one finger bullshit that may have worked pre-1996 and by the way, that crap doesn't fly at BM. Yep, shade grown, organic, farm friendly but you still need a MFing ticket right?
Yeah.
On a positive note:
I will encourage others to check out Balsa Man if you're in the SF area. It was small last year and promises to be just as tiny this year!

Happy Burn,
TToolgirl

[inProgress]

So for giggles I was looking at what tickets are going for on ebay....just watched an auction end, 2 tickets for $5,200.

JESUS PISS PANTS BATMAN!!!!

:/

[atomosk]

I like all the people asking for tickets seem to present some core entitlements to one. People seem to think they're entitled to a ticket because it's their first time, or it's their 10th, and those that can claim neither virginity or longevity just want to go home. There are always those that think their artistic or coffee making talents, or the ability to lift objects would all be such a rare commodities on the playa that people would offer them tickets. Everyone didn't think they could go and now can or didn't have the money and now...might have the money. Of course there are so many people desperately begging for huge blocks of tickets as thought their whole camp, or their famous djs, or their core people who contribute so much, would really be missed by so many people that they should have first pick of tickets for sale. There are 50,000 people out there and most of them are entertained just fine by the glut of awesomeness that no one would really care if they missed daft punk.

[The CO]

I love love love this post! Many options and lovely descriptions. Thank you for helping me realize my "Radical self-reliance" is a BRC code for take some fucking responsibility for your own destiny bitch!

ttoolgirl, whenever next you make it to BRC, come by M*A*S*H 4207th, I hope to meet you.

You're doing it right.

[capjbadger]

I love love love this post! Many options and lovely descriptions. Thank you for helping me realize my "Radical self-reliance" is a BRC code for take some fucking responsibility for your own destiny bitch!

ttoolgirl, whenever next you make it to BRC, come by M*A*S*H 4207th, I hope to meet you.

You're doing it right.

+1000

Always awesome to see someone get it.

-Badger

[MisterSaunders]

What a perfectly reasoned piece of writing. So much so, it would be an act of pure hubris for someone who’s never posted here before to attempt to add to it.

Just a second while I pull up a chair.

To the people who find themselves, through (literally) no action of their own, not going to Burning Man this year, it’s probably too soon to hear it, but I’ll tell you anyway. Not going to Burning Man is the equivalent of that seventh level Scientology shit that Tom Cruise is into. The world (and by the world I mean the SF Bay Area) is full of people who are – with varying degrees of humility and/or smugness -- not going to BM by choice. And the odds are, they’re “burnier than thou” (i.e. more inspiringly or annoyingly Burn-centric, depending on your tolerance level for that sort of thing)

Completely generalizing on the basis of my own experience -- it’s what the internet is for -- if you haven’t missed a year since the first time you went, taking a year out is no bad thing. I did eight consecutive burns before taking a different sort of summer vacation. If I had it to do over, I’d probably have mixed a little more world travel in there somewhere along the way.

Obviously, the first year I didn’t go felt like having something amputated. But I've checked and I still have all my own limbs. Heck, we made a party of not-going, the first year of non-attendance. And as has been pointed out, if you’re within reach of events like Balsa Man, someone else had gone to the trouble of organizing a party for you. How… um… convenient/ironic.

Putting snark aside for a moment, I feel your pain. I’ve sat in an office with a desktop window open on a pixilated live stream -- actually, fairly watchable last year -- tormenting myself deliciously when the Black Rock radio feed is being pumped through and the DJ is interviewing someone about that day’s events on the playa. That itchy phantom fifth limb still requires scratching, sometimes. But for those who’ve never not-gone before, and who don’t end up scoring a ticket, I just wanted to tell you from personal experience, you’ll probably survive.

What I haven’t seen in amongst all the “ZOMG, tix for $1000 on eBay?!?! This spellz the end of the event as we know it” frenzy is much in the way of people noting that this is a land management issue. Obviously not as interesting a story as "holy fucking christ, now it's all going to be people who are only going because the tickets cost a small fortune", but the reality is that ticket scarcity is really a sub-set of big picture land management stuff. Which isn't going to spur as much incredulous outrage on your Facebook page. But maybe worth pausing to think about...

[theCryptofishist]

What a perfectly reasoned piece of writing. So much so, it would be an act of pure hubris for someone who’s never posted here before to attempt to add to it.
...
Obviously, the first year I didn’t go felt like having something amputated. But I've checked and I still have all my own limbs. Heck, we made a party of not-going, the first year of non-attendance. And as has been pointed out, if you’re within reach of events like Balsa Man, someone else had gone to the trouble of organizing a party for you. How… um… convenient/ironic.

...That itchy phantom fifth limb still requires scratching, sometimes. But for those who’ve never not-gone before, and who don’t end up scoring a ticket, I just wanted to tell you from personal experience, you’ll probably survive.

Um. sometimes it pays to read around when you're a newbie.
And phantom sensation is not an itch. I wouldn't (and don't as you may note) call it pain either. Pins and needles when it's good. Your feet curling up like the Wicked Witch of the East's when it isn't.

[Simon of the Playa]

Thank you for the advice...i have chewed off all of my fucking fingernails in the past couple of days. This post calmed the nerves...my budget is paper thin, and the online prices ive been seeing is crazy...i cant afford it..i already sell my goddamn skin as it is, and although i admit, i should have done this before now, but the flow of money has always favored other things, like bills and food...my money management issues aside, i never expected this and was caught totally off gaurd, as i made the all too common mistake of assuming things would be as they always have been. Anyways, thanks again, my blood pressure has gone down a bit, back to searching craigslist...