Deep playa performance artists playing in distress?

[Phinneas]

First off, this burn was so incredible that it left me speechless at times, and I'm grateful for everyone who helped this week come off as it did. On Monday night I came across two burners who I suspect were performance artists, and I'm curious if anyone else had a similar run-in and if so, what you think was really going on. I met two Eurotrash virgins who told me that they'd just arrived, were lost and out of water. One of them even brandished an empty water bottle, but when I offered to share some of my water reserves, he steered the conversation toward whether I could help them find the "orgy tents." "This is Burning Man," he said. "I thought there were supposed to be orgies everywhere." When he stayed on this point, despite my uncertainty about the Red Light District's location this year, I wandered off with some sort of half-apology, but part of me has been concerned ever since that I failed to help some real virgins in distress. A friend of mine said she had a similar run-in that night, and that she noticed their accents shifting between different nationalities.

I thought this occurred somewhere in the deep playa, but I was lost and remember seeing a street sign for J street that for some reason seemed like a duplicate prop erected as part of this whole performance installation. But now that I think about it, I really could have been on J street, since I couldn't distinguish Esplanade lights from any of the others on the playa that night. But around the same time I remember coming across what seemed like art installations of doomed burner camps, including a broken down car full of burner gear. I couldn't find these pieces on any subsequent nights, however. So can anyone reassure me that I didn't inadvertently let some people die? What a mindfuck. I mean really, people, is this what art has come to? Because if so, it's some edgy, funny shit.

[Ugly Dougly]

This ain't SFMOMA.

[WitnessCrew]

If it wasn't performance, it ought to have been. That's brilliant.

Seriously, you never know. I have played so many characters out there...back before there was cell reception, I spent an entire day in a business suit hopping art cars and taking turns yelling into a prop phone about portfolios and mergers, and yelling at the art car drivers that they were going the wrong way. Many folks got pretty heated that some jerk came all the way out to the playa but refused to SHUT UP on the cell already and take a look around (got several well-meaning lectures on immediacy), others just wanted to know what cell provider I had.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. You offered help, and they're ultimately responsible for their own experience, so there ya go.

[Timezone LaFontaine]

In '07 one night, I came across a frantic guy imploring a small gaggle of people to help him look for his lost contact lens. The crowd was laughing hysterically while this guy paced around, intensely pleading for people to help him and wondering aloud why no one would stop laughing about it. I couldn't tell whether it was for real or a performance, so I stepped up and tried to help him, but he ignored me and continued playing to the crowd. I guess I looked like the dimwit who didn't get it, but it seemed like something that just might plausibly happen, so I had to offer to help. It was pretty wacky, but wasn't quite as obviously absurd as someone vacuuming the playa. I actually do wear contacts out there...

[changoloco]

Cue the Malcolm in the Middle Burning Man episode.

[MisterSaunders]

Word on the street is that two Euro-ravers' dehydrated corpses were airlifted out of Center Camp on Tuesday. One of them was evidently suffering from "blue balls" syndrome, which might explain the urgency to locate an "orgy camp".

It's only Larry Harvey's deep and long-terms connections to Blackwater and Dick Cheney that kept the news out of "lame-stream media" coverage.

You are totally complicent.

I'm not sure how you can even live with yourself.

[Phinneas]

I learned it from WATCHING YOU!