Fast: The Pier needs rules

[fbcota]

Ok, I need rules. Here is what we have so far:

1. There are lots of splinters.
2. Please Trespass. Its fun.
3. No Barnacle poaching!
4. Hippie fishing strictly encouraged.
5. No Segways. Try selling them and
make some art with the money.
6. Smile.
7. Catch and release recommended.
8. Clothing optional.
9. Reasoning optional.
10. Seahorseplay allowed.
11. Mermaids like booze.

Go!!!

[lemur]

do not catch on fire.

[fbcota]

I like that. Just added:

1. There are lots of splinters.
2. Please Trespass. Its fun.
3. No Barnacle poaching!
4. Hippie fishing strictly encouraged.
5. No Segways. Try selling them and
making some art with the money.
6. Smile.
7. Catch and release recommended.
8. Clothing optional.
9. Reasoning optional.
10. Seahorseplay allowed.
11. Mermaids like booze.
12. CLIMBING!!!
13. Warning: Snark infested waters.
14. Please pick up MOOP.
15. Sparkleponies must be leashed.
16. Enlightenment...400 feet ahead.
17. Put pants on or take shirt off.
18. Do not overload. Pier will give in
to peer pressure.
19. Don’t fall. It may ruin your burn

[HeartOfJuly]

Ok, gotta ask, wtf is a Sparkle Pony?

[Eric]

I like that. Just added:

1. There are lots of splinters.
2. Please Trespass. Its fun.
3. No Barnacle poaching!
4. Hippie fishing strictly encouraged.
5. No Segways. They make your ass look fat
6. Smile.
7. Catch and release recommended.
8. Clothing optional.
9. Reasoning optional.
10. Seahorseplay allowed.
11. Mermaids like booze.
12. CLIMBING!!!
13. Warning: Snark infested waters.
14. Please pick up MOOP.
15. Sparkleponies must be leashed.
16. Enlightenment...400 feet ahead.
17. Put pants on or take shirt off.
18. Do not overload. Pier will give in
to peer pressure.
19. Don’t fall. It may ruin your burn

[capjbadger]

Ok, gotta ask, wtf is a Sparkle Pony?

http://tinyurl.com/44dhq5w

-Badger

[gaminwench]

Diving??!!!????

[graidawg]

Ok, gotta ask, wtf is a Sparkle Pony?

http://tinyurl.com/44dhq5w

-Badger

oh badger that is a whole different class of snark *let me google that for you* pahahahahahahaha oh my *wipes tears from eyes* screen wipes please

[capjbadger]

Ok, gotta ask, wtf is a Sparkle Pony?

http://tinyurl.com/44dhq5w

-Badger

oh badger that is a whole different class of snark *let me google that for you* pahahahahahahaha oh my *wipes tears from eyes* screen wipes please

One of my favorite tools.

-Badger

[Sic Pup]

I like that. Just added:
17. Put pants on or take shirt off.

Love it!

No muff diving

or alternatively:

Muff diving only

[Drawingablank]

Ok, gotta ask, wtf is a Sparkle Pony?

http://tinyurl.com/44dhq5w

-Badger

That really made my day. +100

[Bob]

No catching or giving crabs.
Beware of hippie traps.

Re: Segways -- if you advertised on Kickstarter or otherwise got an art grant, the guys on Segways are probably some of your patrons. Go ahead and mock them if you really want to look like a bigger idiot than they are.

[TailsCut]

In the spirit of #15: Unattended sparkle ponies will be given espresso and a puppy.

[theCryptofishist]

You have to have a size limit on your catch, or a number limit or a license requirement.

All hippies under 4' must be thrown back. Or used as bait, because we don't want the hippies to get bigger and breed. I'm not sure which.

No more than 2 hippies each (you can't afford to keep more)
Or in the San Francisco Bay they have signs about not eating your catch, because there's mercury and other toxins. Riff off that?

[fbcota]

Badger: That was hilarious

Bob: I am known for biting the hand that feeds . Sorry something about the undecorated segways rolling around the playa really irk me. And something about the handful of people I have seen standing on their segways, watching the man burn, touring the temple or just otherwise being glued to them seems to irk me even more. I'm not a fan of segways, to me they represent a level of elitist lazyness that I cannot and will not encourage.

[The CO]

Do not eat the Brown Trout.

5 MPH-NO WAKE!

[Bob]

USE HERRING PROTECTION.

[capjbadger]

Maximum Two-stroke Outboards
(any more strokes is just masturbating)

-Badger

[Bob]

NO EDGE WEAPONS.

[Bob]

NO TRANSPORTING WHILST PLANKING.

[Alfaj0r]

People usually don't read an entire long list, so make sure that if people are going to read only 3, they're the MUST KNOWS... Like: Don't dive, don't set on fire, watch for splinters. And then everything else.

Also, if the sign is going to say "rules", then you need to word things as rules. Just to nitpick, two examples:

I like that. Just added:
6. Smile.
8. Clothing optional.

6 is a good rule. It tells you what to do. 8 is not a rule, it's a statement. I'd suggest either re-wording it as a command ("Wear clothes. Or not any at all.") or to put a different sign up with Tips for Enjoyment of this Pier.

[fbcota]

Your nit picking can be damned, damned to hell and damned to hell again,... ohh yea we already sent it to the printers.

I think clothing optional is a fine rule. We don't need no stinkin shirts,...they will be stinkin